Rolling Over and (not) Going to Sleep

I thought I’d fly down from my little subby white cloud to write a brief posting…

Things are awesome. Michelle is happy and in full control. I am having great fun seeing to her needs and enjoying her relaxed, sexy, bossy, loving company. This type of relationship obviously suits us both when it is working well. We’ve never had it better, really.

We’ve been having a lot of sex lately, considerably more than usual. And I’m finding something interesting is starting to happen when we finish: I am getting the same endorphin rush that I used to get when I had an orgasm – except without  actually needing to have one.

Michelle and I have talked a lot about me experiencing her own pleasure as thought it were mine; she has even made me a hypnosis recording where she talks about that in some detail. The idea is that when she has an orgasm, I experience a rush of pleasure and satisfaction that counts as my own one.

Well, it seems like somehow it’s all starting to work out. I’m not exactly having a huge sensation like an orgasm or anything; but I am getting the same wave of hormones that used to sweep through my body after I came.

That old cliche about the guy who rolls over and goes to sleep was never totally true in my case; I always used to at least offer to help Michelle to come.  But the temptation to drift off for half an hour was still always there; those zone-out hormones after sex just feel so good and relaxing, and lying there slowly letting your thoughts turn to dreams as you doze off is awesome.

Anyway, when we finish, we cuddle for a bit and then Michelle rolls over and drifts off like normal. And just lately, I’ve found I can join her: I can do a few breathing exercises to get myself calmed down, and then the wave hits me, and I zone out, too.

This makes a nice change, because I used to get pretty wired up after having sex without an orgasm, and it would take me quite a while to calm down. I used to want to talk to Michelle about everything I felt and thought,  almost like a debriefing. It wasn’t too relaxing for her, when she was trying to bliss out.

So, I think Michelle digs the new situation, because it means she can have satisfying sex, keep me in denial,  but not have to deal with my emotional whirlwind afterwards. She comes, and then for a while we just lie there together, her warm and sleepy, me calm and happy, and feeling the buzz of having satisfied her, both of us in a happy place.

Basically,  it’s awesome.

(This doesn’t mean I actually get straight off to sleep like she does, though.)

A Week

A week in chastity no longer seems like anything much at all.

I can still recall when a week seemed like ages; things would definitely be building up to a crescendo of sexual desire by the end of it. Even if I knew I was going to be chaste for longer it would still seem like something, and I’d be pretty horny. My very first post was called A Week and Two Days and although I wasn’t claiming that as a major milestone, I was obviously still pretty excited about that at the time.

This time I barely even noticed. I turned round after the surprise of being allowed to come, and it was five days later. That was the first time it even occurred to me.

I guess this is kind of cool because it really does mean that I am no longer thinking about orgasm all the time, and that is part of the point of doing this. However, I have to make sure this doesn’t get addictive, and moreish, and that I don’t need to go for longer and longer periods each time before I start to feel that thrill.

If I go down that path it will end up being all about me again; the only difference will be that instead of being totally focused on orgasm, I’ll end up totally focused on my own accomplishment of chastity milestone. Same dude, different disguise.

That seems like a potential pitfall to me, anyway. I’ll try to avoid it by remembering, as much as possible, that look of delight and joy on Michelle’s face when she made me come, how much she liked the feel of it, and how that thrill contributed to her own lovely orgasm.

Actually I might go lie down and think about that for quite a while.

Penis of Steel, Brain of Jello

While I can always report that everything is pretty hard and ready down below, the situation is not at all the same up top; chastity has rendered me officially bimbified. The constant flushes of oxytocin and other feel-good goo, coupled with lack of sleep (yes, the insomnia is back), have turned this formerly somewhat capable worker into a fully-fledged waste of space.

General examples of the dumbness:

• inability to concentrate on work for longer than about ten minutes.
• adopting a “why worry” attitude when I probably should actually be worried (like, when I’m about to pay for something I can’t afford).
• failure to plan ahead for anything other than ways to please Michelle and spend time with her (flowers, dinner dates, etc).

Specific examples of the dumbness:

• missing my train stop even though I was not reading (no prizes for guessing what I was thinking about)
• going up to a bartender and asking him for a regular adult ticket
• planning my whole day around taking a particular set of papers to work, and then leaving them in the kitchen.

Basically, I got the dumbs.

Michelle doesn’t seem too concerned about this. My ability to do simple things like housework isn’t really suffering, and my attentiveness to her is OK, I think. The real problem is work. She has asked me whether I will still be able to keep earning decent money (she is studying and only working sporadically and part time, and I need to be able to keep the money coming in.) I think the answer is yes, but honestly, I keep expecting that eventually things will settle down and my concentration span will return. But so far, that isn’t happening.

I find it exciting that Michelle doesn’t seem to care that her keeping me chaste is making me dumber. Actually, apart from a few concerns about the money aspect, she seems to find it kind of funny.

Return of the Horn

Oh, great day in the morning, I’m really horny now.  That lull I spoke about, which was a merciful blessing, has receded, and I am left here with an unbelievable urge to jump on Michelle in a delightful but thoroughly un-submissive manner.

It started back up again three nights ago when she took me to bed and gave me a very fast, aggressive hand-job. The whole encounter only lasted about ten minutes from the time she lay me down to the time she kicked me out of bed again, at which point I was whimpering with desire.  The only purpose of it seemed to be to get me really close about five times and then then send me away. It wasn’t a ’scene’. It almost didn’t even qualify as sex. It was just all about making me horny. I have never known her to be so into tease and denial before.

Ever since then I have been absurdly horny. I was in the shower two nights ago and my penis starts flailing around of its own accord, almost like it was trying to detach from my body so  it could move directly under the stream of water and get some stimulation that way.  The urge to come was almost overwhelming and I actually started making little frustrated moaning noises as I stood there looking down at it moving round in circles. I really wanted nothing more than to come, really hard, about three times, and then sleep like a baby.

I told Michelle this desire, putting it out there, pretty much asking for permission to do just that. Answer: no.

Last night we had a friend over and  I took refuge in alcohol, not excessively but just to take the edge of the situation. We have a dinner this evening so more drinking may occur, but after that, Thursday and Friday and then the weekend are looming, and  can’t see any sign of respite from Michelle.

Another new phase for me. It’s never felt quite this strong before.

All Natural vs Indian God

Like a lot of guys, I had my fair share of trouble controlling my ejaculations when I was a teenager and in my early twenties, but things sorted themselves out after that, and I would have generally considered myself a pretty decent sex partner since I was about twenty-four.

But obviously, chastity can add a new dimension of difficulty to the whole situation. We’ve only had one episode of vigorous sex lately, over three weeks ago, but the rest of the time it’s been either gentle fucking while she masturbates, or non-coital stuff. But last night, after a full month without release for me, Michelle decided it was time to test out my powers of restraint.

Just before we started, I sprayed on a few squirts of this lotion I purchased at a hole in the wall. You know the sort of place; if it wasn’t for the discrete neon signage and manikins wearing fetish costumes in the window, you’d never know it was there. Anyway, I’m not sure why the Chinese would have called this stuff Indian God Lotion – perhaps they imagine the Indians to be better at sex than themselves – but that’s what it is called.

We’ve never tried a ‘delay spray’ before. My male pride would have gotten in the way. “I don’t need that, baby,” I can hear my younger self saying, chest all puffed out like a pigeon.  “That’s for guys with PE. I don’t have PE. I’m all natural.”

Well, male pride no longer. Without reading any instructions, I sprayed two squirts  on the head of my cock, and then rolled a condom on. Then she jumped on me immediately and she was glorious, and she started fucking me really hard, saying all sorts of wonderful things about how I was all hers and she could get me to do whatever she wanted. I can’t believe I didn’t come.

After about ten minutes this tingling sensation starts up which eventually turns into a kind of burning, like I have spread toothpaste on my penis.  But it does the trick we have this long, hard, awesome fuck. We went at it for ages, and I didn’t get right to the edge at any point; fatigue and dryness got us in the end.

So, moral of story appeared to be that delay sprays do indeed work and that they are a good option for a man in long-term chastity. But then, I looked up the instructions online today and found out that you are supposed to put the stuff on an hour before having sex and that it takes quite a while to start working. So, it looks like at least the first ten or fifteen minutes or so was good old, all natural me.

Who knew such a thing could be possible, after a month of tease and denial?

Michelle is a fan of the Indian God lotion, and was most pleased with me generally, which made me feel awesome. We’ll keep it and use it again when circumstances require.

But I gotta say, I’m starting to wonder if I might not be able to get the hang of staying chaste and then fucking like that without the spray.  Or even a condom.

A guy can dream, right?

(Michelle asked me to edit this to remove a few of the more graphic bits.)