I’m a fan of female ejaculation as a concept, partly because I feel that it would be kind of fun if Michelle squirted and I did not, but also just because I like anything that involves the woman of the piece having an insanely good time, viz:
But I only recently worked out how much I’ve been sucked in by the whole hype around female ejaculate as a wonderful, magical substance, and how readily I bought into the whole piss / not piss dichotomy as an important factor. If it’s not piss, that’s good, right? It comes from somewhere else. Sure.
I am stingy by nature and avoid credit cards online until I have scoped the field. So as a result of my ‘research’ I can tell you that:
- Nearly every imaginable combination of the words ‘squirt’ (and all synonyms) and ‘vagina’ (and all associated slang terms) plus DOT COM will turn out to be a registered domain name. ‘Girl’ and ‘look’ (plus all possible variables) are other possible components. This means, for example, that gushingcunts.com will be a website. Try it.
- Many of the above-mentioned sites proudly declare on the front page that the substance in question IS NOT PISS!!!! Hooray!
- Men seem to love getting squirted on. They also like it when women claim that squirting orgasms are better. ‘Making a girl squirt’ is the new ‘fucking her brains out’, it would seem.
- There are a large variety of tantra, sexual healing and also less worthy pseudo-mystical pay sites that also discuss female ejaculation.
- Many of these sites also rush to assure the reader that the substance in question is not urine, but a salty discharge coming from the woman’s urethra.
Hmmm. So basically the attitude seems to be: ‘Hey, if it’s a salty discharge coming from my girlfriend’s urethra, I want it all over my face. But if it’s piss, that’s gross.’
Clearly something’s a bit wrong here.
Like I said, I was totally sucked in by all this (and still am, in a way). Last year I found some sample videos of a well-known star in the field called Squirting Carly (pictured above), and showed several of these to Michelle, who laughed as soon as she saw the orgasm in the first scene.
‘That’s piss,’ she said.
‘No, it isn’t!’ I said, parroting the hype in an effort to persuade her to let me try to make her squirt.
‘Have you got a vagina?’ she asked coldly. Checkmate.
‘Well I do, and that’s piss. She probably just drinks a lot of water.’
‘But I’ve read in lots of different places that it’s not piss. It comes from somewhere else!’
‘Read what, where? On these sites that are trying to sell you movies? Of course they’ll tell you it’s not piss. Anyway she’s a nice-looking girl, and she does a little wee when she comes. That’s sweet. Thanks for showing me.’ Michelle walks out of the bedroom, rolling her eyes.
All my back-up arguments now seemed absurd. I imagined myself saying: ‘But I’ve totally seen one where she comes in a bowl and then drinks it!’
But she would just give me one of her stares and say: ‘She probably likes getting paid more than she dislikes the taste of clean wee.’
Or I could say: ‘But I also saw one where the guy licks her out right after she comes!’
This is true. I have seen a sample video in which the girl squirts and then the man in the scene gives her a perfunctory lick as if to say: ‘Hey kids, would I do this if it was wee?’
But Michelle would just reply: ‘Hey, she just came, supposedly. He should back off her clit for five fucking seconds instead of sticking his dumb bald head down there already.’
(You see why I like her so much, right?)
In the end my only real option was to change my mind. In this I was helped by the sensible discussion at The Clitoris Dot Com. The skinny from here is basically:
- Female ejaculate does definitely exist, coming from the skein gland and serving as a lubricant and probably a conductor for hormones. It really isn’t piss, but the average skein gland could only hold about 5ml (0.4 of a fluid ounce) of the substance, which is about a teaspoon’s worth.
- Female ejaculation, this is, the expulsion of female prostate fluid from the urethra during orgasm, is possible and pleasurable. But given the amount of fluid involved, many women could probably do it without even realizing.
- The largest reported amount of fluid of any kind expelled during orgasm is about 15 fluid ounces or 440 ml.
- If the skein gland holds 0.4 of a fluid ounce, what are the other 14.6 ounces, then?
- Just coincidentally, the female bladder can hold about 16 ounces.
- It would seem that in a larger squirt, some or most of what comes out might well be urine. Sorry boys.
The site (which you should read) then suggests that a woman who is considering learning to ejaculate might find herself well-served by drinking lots of water, getting into the bath-tub and them attempting to orgasm and urinate at the same time, or at least, not blocking the urge to urinate while she orgasms. This may result in either ejaculation or just pissing, either of which will probably be pretty good value.
Then once she’s learned to ‘let go’, she could try the whole thing with an empty bladder, and possibly an obliging partner with his fingers stroking her G-spot and an adoring look on his face. If she comes, that’s good. If she wees and likes it, that’s good. If she ejaculates, that’s good. See a pattern here?
In summary, it looks like there is a difference between ejaculating and urinating, but there are also a great deal of similarities, the potential for new and intense pleasure being the first among them. And surely that should be the main point.
So, I’m no longer sure what all this hype about the magical not-Piss is all about. I’ve never had golden shower fetish but I’m sure I could learn to accept wee as a sexy thing if I saw it accompanied by a shrieking orgasm a few times. And if I didn’t, the shower is right there, so what’s the big deal?
Still, I haven’t tried to persuade Michelle to try the bathtub trick yet, and the conversation quoted above was over a year ago. (She gets stubborn at the slightest hint of pressure so it’s totally counterproductive and I am well backed off her).
Still, in the hope that reading this might be an OK way for me to talk to you about it: I hope one day you’ll try it, Michelle, but it’s really not my call, and wouldn’t be very sexy for me if it was.