Why doesn’t IKEA make an affordable Queening Chair?

Facesitting, the great staple of femdom porn, seemed like a great idea in theory and Michelle and I have tried it out a few times, but have ultimately decided it’s not going to work for us.

It wasn’t the ‘being smothered by the pussy of the woman I adore’ part that I disliked, and Michelle certainly didn’t have a problem with the fact that I was unable to move, or talk. All that was fine. The real problem was that it hurt me too much to be practical. Michelle isn’t overweight but nor is she petite, thank goodness, and her full weight was more than my face could handle. I felt like my nose was going to break, or that cartilage in my cheeks was going to get damaged. As it was, I got a bad headache and some mild bruising, and we only did it for a few minutes at a time. She simply couldn’t use my head as a place to properly sit down.

Anyway, after a while of trying, we hit upon doing pretty much exactly what is happening in the second picture – essentially the 69 position with the woman on top. After a while the woman sits up, but still takes a fair bit of weight on her legs to begin with, and then drops her weight onto his head and uses his head as a dildo before coming off him again when it’s time for him to breathe. She’s not really sitting on him. It’s more like ‘face-straddling’. And, she’s quite active throughout the whole encounter. So, in this supposedly femdom activity, the man is ‘helpless’ and ‘subjugated’, which actually means lying on his back in considerable comfort having a wet pussy thrust down into his face, and if you think that is in some way ‘demeaning’ or ’emasculating’, I think you’re deluding yourself. The word you are really looking for is awesome.

Meanwhile, the woman attends fully to his kink and gets a good workout on her thighs and hamstrings for her trouble.

As I said, this was awesome for me, and Michelle was happy to do it for a while, although she afterwards likened it to a particular yoga pose, and said she was pretty unlikely to orgasm from it. So much for the dominant female face-sitter. She’s actually serving the man. That was our experience of it, anyway.

So, where to now? The ideal scenario for us is one in which Michelle is actually sitting down, and at full rest. She can be watching TV, reading a newspaper or magazine, drinking wine, nibbling chocolate, or any other activity that it is hard to manage while lying down on your back. Moreover she can do it for long periods, an hour or more, without having to take any weight on her legs, or in fact exert herself in anyway other than lifting the remote control or stroking her breasts. Meanwhile I am underneath her, unable to move or talk, and also unable to see or smell anything other than her flesh. If I am going too fast or slow for her, or she does not like the style I am using, she can remind me verbally, or slap me if she feels inclined. And the better I do, the wetter I get, so there in ample incentive for me to get it right, anyway.

It seems like some sort of chair is required to make this actually work out. I imagine something like a low-slung deck chair, with a padded frame so Michelle could spread her legs and remain very comfortable, and with a large hole in the seat so that the entire area from her pubic bone to her ass could fit through underneath, together with some additional leg and bottom flesh. I would would lie with my head strapped or propped up so that it pressed firmly into her, with just enough wiggle room to grab some air. I find, of course, that such things do exist, and the ones I can find look somewhat as I had imagined, only with a lot more of a ‘Bondage Chesterfield’ thing happening and a lot less of an ‘affordable inner city’ vibe:

This chair was made by a company called www.queensandkings.biz who are one of the best bets on the net for this kind of thing, and to be fair, they do make more modern styles. Only problem is, their gear costs hundreds of pounds. There’s also a place in the U.K. called Very Alternative Furniture, whose Gothic Chair is just the ticket for when Your Lady would like her orgasm medieval castle style, and then there’s…not much.

Real life is way behind. What about IKEA? Aren’t the Swedes supposed to be liberated about this kind of thing? A flat-pack number made of wood and canvas with a removable zip flap and a detachable canvas rest for the man’s head would be about thirty pounds. I’d buy two. While searching, I also found that the number of real hits from Google from the terms ‘face-sitting chair‘, ‘cunnilingus chair‘ and ‘queening chair‘ is very disappointing.

Where are the free fetish galleries showing lovely, bossy-looking women sitting in the chair, slowly slumping into heaven over a large glass of malt whiskey, as their obedient, oxygen-starved puppet-husbands lick away faithfully beneath? And in particular, where are the budget commercial operators and ‘alt’ furniture makers?

Given the popularity of femdom sexuality, this sort of thing should be immensely popular. Niche market stores on E-bay and elsewhere should be leaping out of the screen to take my money off me as soon as I hit ‘Search’ on any one of those terms. Basically, I was hoping for: “Come down to pussythrone.com and we will meet all your queening needs,” etc, with some hot photos to go along with it. But, pussythrone.com does not exist.

Come on, people! Something should be done! Everyone should own one of these cheap IKEA numbers! Of course, it’s possible that there are plenty of alt furniture stores around that do this stuff cheaply. I haven’t really looked that far. But the first few pages of the Google hits are interesting, nonetheless. Why is that thousands of gigabytes of data are spent in presenting images of face-sitting, which in practice is actually very difficult, but I can only find two or three decent examples of places that will sell me a real queening chair, which would be quite practical? You’d be forgiven for thinking that some people wanted female domination to remain a fantasy…

14 thoughts on “Why doesn’t IKEA make an affordable Queening Chair?

  1. where is the first chair from????? Where can I purchase that one? I would like a link to order from? I love its structure. All the others are bulky ugly and cumbersome…

  2. You mean the top one? Shay commented on that one, too.

    I got that picture from someone’s flickr stream, not sure where. I don’t think it is real. It would be awesome if someone made a design like that.

  3. Just make it yourself…I did a little steel pipe and creativity you will have the most amazing chair. I gave this to her as a gift and it’s a true gift when I can be under it.

  4. I love the Facesitting, I practice every so often, I love to lick a vagina well from below, and if it could be a Chair, as that this up better, I can be licking you up to 40 minutes the vagina to a woman without stopping.

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