Terms of Endearment and Derision

When we first started out on this D/s path several years ago, I had quite specific ideas in mind about how it would play out. There were a lot of things I thought would go pretty much as I imagined them. I wanted to make them happen.

‘A submissive male with a covert dominant agenda?’ I hear you cry. ‘Unheard of! Unthinkable. Someone call the media!’

OK, so I’m nothing special in that regard. I was a typical naive male sub who hadn’t quite worked it out the deal yet: being submissive means you what she wants AND she does what she wants, too.

Right. I get it now.

Anyway, one of the main ways this has been revealed to me is in the things that she likes to calls me. Of course I had pet terms of endearment and derision in mind for her to use, and have told her about them on several occasions, but she hates to be scripted.

Really, she detests it. If I wanted her to never, ever call me by a particular name my best option would be to say “I really, really want you to call me this particular name.” During sex. Then I would be utterly fucked. (I should point out that I have totally stopped doing this now. I’m not that dumb.)

A good example of all this is the word ‘bimbo.’ I initially liked the idea of being referred to as her ‘bimbo husband’. I told her this several times. She has never once called me that. Clearly it is not a turn-on for her to regard me in that way. It now has little appeal.

There are some fortunate cross-overs, words that we both find sexy, such as ‘wench’ and ‘slut’. Once during some very wet and ecstatic sex she referred to me as an abandoned little slut and my brain nearly fell out. Good times.

For the most part, she just calls me ‘sweet’, ‘pretty’, and ‘nice’. She may do this because she actually thinks I am those things, but I suspect she also does it because she knows these terms are insulting and patronizing to a macho male with notions of controlling his wife, and she wants to see if there is any rise left in me on these issues. Mostly I just shrug and say ‘um, thanks.’ It’s not really much of a turn-on for me, but what are you going to do?

There are also a few terms that I did not initially like, which she seems to have honed in on. These are words that can refer to a person’s entire social nature rather than their level of submission to a partner; terms like “servile” or in particular “sucking up.” This term has no romantic or sexual attachment for me at all, unlike “slave” or even “servant”. It sounds more like part of a high-school status battle.

She has used these term more frequently than other terms that I have asked her to use – which is not very frequently, but enough to be part of our dynamic. I think I used “sucking up” once, as a joke, and she caught it and ran with it. She sometimes gets an evil glint in her eye when she says it and I know she is, once again, doing it to annoy me:

“I like it when you suck up to me, sweetheart.” “Your sucking up has been excellent today.” “You may now spend the evening sucking up to me.”

Gah. Bleh. Uch.

Or that was my reaction at first. But now, after three or four times, I find I don’t mind it so much and could grow to like it. But the cat is out of the bag now, as she reads this blog, so if my theory is correct and she is very contrary, she will probably stop doing it soon enough. But it may be that she generally does like to refer to my service to her as “sucking up”, regardless of whether I like it or not, in which case I’ll be hearing it for quite a while.

For the record, I sometimes call her “miss” or “boss”, both of which make her giggle. Otherwise I just call her “darling”, or just Michelle.

2 thoughts on “Terms of Endearment and Derision

  1. That’s interesting. I also learned to stop requesting these kind of things very early. I was rather scaring my wife away from the idea of being dominant. And she had (or still has) the stupid stereotype in her mind, about being called mistress, beating the shit out of me and wearing leather or latex…

    Well, it’s been a long road and it’s going to be even longer, but serving in silence and patience makes it still pleasurable and it’s exquisitely painful to wait for a sign of acknoledgement.

  2. Yes, the leather-clad dominatrix in high heels has done us all a disservice, image-wise. It must look like so much effort to a busy woman. It could be effectively replaced with an image of a woman getting a foot massage while she drank champagne. That’s what a dominant wife looks like to me, anyway.

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