It seems that some readers are having trouble posting comments on here. In particular, Vanessa from Fetish Furniture Factory wrote to me on my gmail address regarding the IKEA Queening Chair idea and said:
Your gripes and issues are widespread my dear oral servicing friend. That’s why we decided to “take the bull by the horns” (bad cuckold joke) and design that which has not existed before (at least that we have ever found). Please have a look and should you like it, feel free to spread the word. 🙂
Vanessa at www.fetishfurniturefactory.com
The chairs at the site look like very comfortable models, and although the price is somewhat higher than I had imagined for the flat-pack IKEA number, what can you expect without mass-production? The pussy throne seems destined to be a big-ticket item until the Nordic furniture giants overcome their prudishness and fulfill what is clearly a widespread need. In the meantime, the niche market operators stand to do some good business…
Click through to find info and a variety of very appealing photographs of the furniture in use. I have borrowed two for demonstration purposes. As Michelle and I do not own a chair at present, and are unlikely to until our living circumstances become a little more private, I am going to have to use an imagined couple, Jane and Pete, for this demonstration. Here is Jane, at rest after a hard day’s resting:
Jane: That’s enough foot masssaging. I’m going in the throne now. Fetch me something red.
Pete: Yes dear. (Note the uses of the informal ‘dear’ rather than the formal ‘milady.’ On another occasion he might have paid for that, but she is very relaxed tonight). He returns with a bottle of Pauillac 1995 and a glass and then grabs a cushion and disappears under the chair, his legs poking out in front of her. In the meantime Jane has removed the relevant portion of her underwear.
For well over an hour, nothing is said, and the only noises are the occasional clink as she refills her glass, periodic slurping noises from Pete, and Miles Davis’ Bitches Brew on at low volume. Eventually, as side four of the album comes to a close, she says she’s had enough. Pete emerges from beneath the chair somewhat wetter than he was to begin with. He’s so happy he could pretty much die now and be OK with it.
Pete: Was that OK?
Jane: Yes, that was fine, cutie. There is a problem though. It would be really good if these things had some kind of cup holder arm-rest. Maybe you can make me one later. You see, when I get in the build-up zone I really space out and I forget to put my drink down. I spilled nearly a whole glass the third time. Couldn’t drink any more after that. You can put the rest in the fridge.
When he comes back she removes her wine-soaked top and tosses over to him.
Jane: Wash this for me will you?
He remains stationary with his mouth hanging open, staring at her exposed breasts. His erection fills out and lifts his tracksuit up like a tent pole. Jane giggles.
Jane: What? Did you want to lick the wine off them? Or was there something else? Stop standing there, and do as you are told.
Pete: I’m just…really really horny now, and…
Jane: Oh, my poor boy. It’s such a shame you can’t have orgasms. Sometimes I think you might really enjoy them…
By the way, if you are also having trouble posting comments, or just want to send me an e-mail instead of a comment, please feel free.
And as for the IKEA thing…I’m thinking of starting a petition. But I’m already working on a petition to the IOOC to have Cunnilingus declared an Olympic Sport and I don’t want to spread myself too thin…