Remember in a previous episode, you (a sex-obsessed guy, twenty something) were going out with a girl bearing an uncanny resemblance to Polish-born porn star Iga Wyrwal? You tried to impress her with your cooking, and it didn’t go so well? Never mind, your luck changed a few days later.
Anyway you’ve been going out for three months now and so far it’s been a pretty wild ride. She’s incredibly sexy and great fun to be with, but your actual sex-life is erratic. Some days she’s just amazing and then two weeks later she’s totally not into it. You just can’t figure it out.
It’s been a particularly dry spell lately, four whole days with nothing except hours of kissing, and you’ve noticed she’s a bit shy around you and covers up her breasts when you come near. You are starting to wonder if she’s losing interest. Ruling out chocolates and flowers as being too obvious, you fall back on that other old favourite: lingerie.
You go down to the High Street on Friday after work to pick her up a nice lacey camisole and matching underwear, then go to her house and leave it on her bed with a note saying: ‘see you in this later, maybe?’ Very restrained. Very classy.
She comes home soon after you arrive, kisses you, and heads upstairs. You hear a little cry of surprise, then sure enough, a few minutes later, she calls you to join her in the bedroom. It’s so on.
‘I wear the singlet and the knickers now,’ she says. ‘Very pretty. Thankyou.’
‘Wow. You look amazingly hot,’ you say.
‘Yes but actually I am quite cool with only this on. Maybe I put a jumper on as well.’
‘Oh, no, I didn’t mean that. I meant you looked great.’
‘I was teasing you silly boy,’ she says. ‘Anyway it is very nice. Thankyou. You make me any dinner also?’
‘Oh, sorry. I…spent a while looking for the lingerie. We can get take-away?’
She looks a bit disappointed. ‘I think it’s sweet when you cook for me. But the knickers is nice too. So, okay, you go to get takeaway.’
‘Sure. Anyway it’s not really dinner time for ages, so, we could hang around up here for a bit?’
‘OK,’ she says, smiling. ‘You want to kiss like last night? I like that.’
Last night nearly drove you mad. No, you don’t want to kiss like last night.
‘Actually darling, I was hoping we might, well, have some fun with the lingerie.’
‘How is it fun other than wearing it?’ she says.
‘Well, I was thinking you could…pose? Like, a strip tease sort of thing.’
‘Oh, like a pole girl?’ she says.
‘No, no, more classy,’ you say. ‘Just sort of, teasing.’
‘Like this?,’ she says, and starts to pull the bodice down to expose her incredible breasts, which have been out of sight for the last four days, even when you kissed her for hours.
‘Yes, totally like that,’ you say, trying to catch your breath. ‘That’s awesome. You look so hot.’
‘Yes, I do,’ she says.
‘You really have amazing tits,’ you say.
‘Yes, I was looking at them in the mirror this morning. They very big at the moment.’
Things are going well. But then you make the first mistake.
‘There’s only one thing, honey. The glasses. I sort of like it when they are off.’
She frowns. ‘Yes but sweetie I can’t actually see very well lately. The doctor say I need an eye-test and maybe I have to wear glasses all the time when I am reading or looking at faces.’
‘Oh. Sorry, babe. OK, leave them on then. You look great anyway.’
She relents. ‘Thanks. Maybe I take them off for you, I don’t need to see you staring at me anyway. I seen that before.’
Then she turns away from you and starts the strip tease. She’s very good at it. First she takes of the camisole and lets it dangle from her hand for a moment before letting it fall to the floor. You get a look at her lovely back, and the backs of her legs. She’s a goddess.
Then she undoes her zip and steps out of her skirt with a single motion. Now you can see the panties you bought her, hugging her full, firm bottom.
‘You look absolutely amazing,’ you say.
‘You keep saying that like I don’t know already,’ she teases.
Finally, she turns side on to you and toys with the straps on the bra, before undoing the back-strap and beggining to move the straps down over her shoulders. You’re as hard as a rock. It’s actually happening. She’s doing a strip-tease for you.
Now you’re getting to the heart of the fantasy. That glorious moment you’ve been imagining when she takes her hands away and lets them fall to her side, and the bra slips down to the floor, leaving her gorgeous breasts fully exposed for you to kiss and caress.
‘Just let the bra fall. Take your hands away and let it fall,’ you say, trying to sound commanding.
Second mistake, and this one is way worse. Her face changes at once.
‘OK!’ she says, turning suddenly and thrusting her chest out. ‘Look. No hands!!’
She stands there for about ten seconds with a mocking grin on her face. The bra does not fall.
Rolling her eyes, she bends forward to remove her knickers and the bra finally falls. There they are…
…but the moment is lost. You know the strip-tease is over.
‘Please stay, I really wanted to, y’know…’
‘Wanted to what? Pretend you are a porn photographer?’ she says.
‘OK, sorry. I was bossy. It’s just that I really, really like your tits…’
‘That’s sweet but you are always grabbing them, and they are quite sore right now. It hurts. So I wanted to keep them out of the way. Maybe next week you can take photos, if you like.’
She’s still smiling at you. You should just shut up, after an offer like that, but you’re still busy trying to explain yourself.
‘…and I thought if I got you something special, it might make you feel sexy.’
‘Me?’ she laughs. ‘You think this is for me? Why do I feel sexy because of this? You buy them for yourself, dumbhead.’
You are totally speechless and sit there with your mouth open. When she realises you have no comeback, or even an explanation, she continues to mock you.
‘You pay thirty-five pounds for knickers and then you want me to take them off after two minutes. You got rocks in your head.’
Still speechless. There really isn’t anything to explain. Why couldn’t you have just shut up when she was doing the strip tease?
‘Honest, you a nice boy and fun in bed but you need to listen to me and not think so much. Now you go and buy me something with a lot of meat in it, and then maybe on Monday we try this again and you just watch, OK?’
‘OK,’ you say.
And really, that was the only thing you could have said.
NB: This post was included in SUGASM #150. I’ve decided to delete the pingbacks, but here’ s the full m’hump schtickle:
This Week’s Picks
“The sigh of a kiss that has been too long waiting is a wicked rush.”
Keeping things hot when everything hurts
“While it’s not as fun for him, what I love about those times is how sexy he makes me feel at a time when I probably feel the most worthless as a lover.”
Like lovers do…
“As soon as I got that groove, he felt it. His body started to tense up and tremble.”
Mr. Sugasm Himself
At What Point Have You Crossed The Line?
(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)
Erotic Writing and Experiences
The Five Twenties – The Fifth Twenty
i Kissed a Girl
The love for guys in uniform
Natalie Gets Laid
A Night to Remember, ft. Mariella and VibeReview
Talk Dirty To Me
Will you suck it?
Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Won’t Pose Just How You Imagined
Sex & Politics
Do BDSM and McCain Go Together Like Vinegar and Oil?