Is this the real life?

Or is this just fantasy?

(Oh, Freddie!!!)

Ahem. I’ve been going through one of those phases lately where I’ve been wondering if this whole D/s thing is actually for real or not.  Here’s a peek at both perpectives.

This is me in a doubtful frame of mind:

I guess technically you could say we’ve finished our move, in the sense that we are no longer actually moving, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t gaping holes in the fabric of daily life. Internet still isn’t on at home, house is a pigsty, several rooms are full of boxes, and there’s just no system to anything, it’s all too new.  We’ve been talking about finances and logistics more than anything else, and squabbling a fair bit. Not sexy.

One thing that has changed is that I am now at work while Michelle is at home. So, while I’m out working, she’s either at home or out spending money. But this would be a lot sexier if she was out buying herself clothes rather than things like new wardrobe doors – she’s as busy as I am, just with getting things in order. Not sexy.

All in all it’s been a low point for us as a D/s couple and as a couple generally, and we’ve been having a lot less sex than before. I guess D/s is a pretty high energy state for a relationship, and when life makes other demands, it just gets put on hold. But…for how long?

This is me in a more reflective, realistic frame of mind:

 Hold on…despite the fact that there’s not really been much in the way of overt domination on a day-to-day basis, the following things are still true:

  • Michelle refuses to let me come most of the time. I only get to come when I’m inside her and she wants to feel it at the same time as she comes.
  • I am doing nearly all the laundry, dishes, gardening and so on. I end up doing it because she doesn’t do it, and then when I get home it’s all there for me to do. She does the cooking, but has said that when she gets sick of it, I can do it in the evenings.
  • She’s quite happy to take control of the household finanaces and spend extra money on herself whenever she feels like it…

So maybe we haven’t lapsed nearly as much as I think we have. Instead, what is happening is that I am starting to get used to things, and take them for granted. Staying chaste no longer seems like a Herculean effort, it’s just normal, and doing her bidding no longer seems unusual either. I’m just not seeing that the basic D/s patterm is still there unless I step back from our life and take a proper look at what is going on.  Then I realise everything is fine.

So overall, I’m not feeling too worried about any of this. A few years ago I would have probably responded by voicing concerns that Michelle ‘wasn’t being dominant enough’ or something, but now I think I know better. She’ll find her way back into it, in her own time. It can’t be high energy all the time…

I think we’ll struggle through til New Year and then 2009 is going to be awesome. That’s what I think.

On the subject of this blog:

 As I said, the ‘internet’ in our house at present consists of a tangled heap of cables and a lot of swearing and minor tantrums. So this blog will continue to progress at a very slow pace until that gets sorted, as I can’t post on it from work.

The only thing that has happened here of any note during my absence is that I have been discovered by a character known as Thumper, whose blog you should definitely check if you can see the funny side to male submission and denial.

Oh, and Vanessa  from has asked me to check out her new instructions for building your own queening chair. There’s a post I’m looking forward to writing. Maybe next week…


3 thoughts on “Is this the real life?

  1. Steve

    I am having exactly the same type of thoughts about my own relationship with Jane. There are so many things about the current state of our relationship that say that we are in a wife led relationship, but there are times when I have serious doubts that Jane is really committed to this lifestyle, being happy to just let me do things, rather than actually being expectant, and demanding.

    I guess I just need to be more realistic about what I can expect day-to-day and just learn to accept that this is more in my mind than it is Jane’s. At least you are kept chaste, which must really help you feel that your wife is controlling you. However, very much like you, with experience, I am learning to accept my situation, and less expectant of Jane to be dominant and controlling all of the time. What I have learned is to hold onto those moments when she is, and look for even small signs that she in charge. It may not rock the world but at least I know my place.

    Hope you get your new house sorted soon.

  2. Missed this post, Steve…I hope the you were more settled by the holidays…i don’t know where i read it, but i can attest to the truth…when measuring the stress points, moving is way up there with divorce…and i can say i agree…add to both of you taking on new work roles..well, it’s tiring at best. Hopefully all is more settled and you are able to focus on the fun parts…sometimes easier said than done..but it’s great that you are able to step back and see the big picture..something I wish I could do better.

    Best wishes!

  3. Thanks Nik and AAT. Best to you and yours this season too, a bit belatedly.

    Everything is much more settled now, but as to our D/s thing it has suffered some setbacks due to lack of energy. My next post on here is going to be entitled “BAD SUB! No Sex For You!”


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