Well, now I’m really confused…

So, time for an update.

It would be very hard to characterise the current state of our relationship. In one sense, the overt D/s nature is still on the back burner, we’ve hardly even mentioned it to each other, other than to repeat the idea that we are going to talk it over again at the end of February.

The night after we made this decision we went to bed and had raucous, eye-popping sex, almost as though some other part of our dynamic had been waiting beneath the surface for the shackles to come off. As soon as there were no ‘rules’, we hit it like jackhammers. But that was a few weeks ago, and while we’ve had some fun sex since then I wouldn’t say it was roaring along. Might have been a one-off.

In terms of things out of the bedroom, it’s…good but odd. There’s a distance between us caused by a change in the dynamic, but there’s been no real conflict and in one way we’re getting on extremely well. When we do argue it is usually very direct and with an eye to fixing the problem, rather than avoiding the real issues or talking about past hurts. We’ve been affectionate and close, and I still find her bossiness kind of endearing rather than annoying now. I can ignore it if I want to but quite alot of the time I go along with it anyway.

So, while we’re not having a D/s relationship, we’re…what exactly are we doing? I’m not really sure how to describe it, but it is as though we have both learned somehow to improve the trust in our relationship, and that is still there even though the D/s thing is on hold.

This is good news, because something we’d both been worried about was “what are we going to do if this doesn’t work?” We realised we couldn’t go back to the fucked-up democracy of before, so we’d have to move forward to a new way of relating if the D/s thing fell through. At the moment it is like we have done that without even really trying. So we both feel that we can experiment with new ways of relating without calling our whole relationship into question.

All in all, things are fine, if a little up in the air. And I still fancy subbing to her if she’s in the right headspace. I saw her lazily reclining on the couch the other day, talking to a friend about how she just wanted to take it easy this year while I worked to support her, and I just wanted to eat her like a peach right then and there. But there’s really not a lot I can do until she decides she’s into it, so we’ll see how we go…


Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend keeps calling you “Sweetie” in public

Before we begin…did you miss episodes 1 and 2? Go read them first, if you like, or just move straight on to…

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend, Episode 3

You have been getting a bit fed up with your GP girlfriend lately. Maybe the honeymoon phase is over…although the sex is still amazing. It’s not that she isn’t incredibly hot, or smart, or funny, and she can be really supportive too; in fact she recently did a whole bunch of photocopying and filing for you, because you got behind at your new job. (She made you pay her back in cooking, though).

The problem is that she keeps calling you these patronizing names, when other guys are around, like “darling,” or “lovely”, or even worse, “sweetie.” It’s just emasculating.

Last night she even called you “sweetie” in front of her ex-boyfriend, Richard, and you had to put up with his superior smirks and jibes for the rest of the night. Then he called you “sweetie” once, while she was in the toilet, and you had no comeback at all.

It’s just downright disrespectful, that’s what it is!

301So you’ve decided to show her you won’t stand for it. When you get home from work, you head up to her bedroom to confront her. Unfortunately you get a little caught off guard by the fact that she’s in her underwear, doing a sketch of herself for her drawing class, looking in a full-length mirror. But you’ve got a head of steam up, so you go ahead regardless.

‘Hey, I want to talk to you about something.’

‘Can it wait sweetie? I just start this, I have to do it tonight.’

‘No it can’t wait,’ you say, puffing yourself up and putting on a deep voice. ‘It’s important. It’s about what happened last night.’

‘It’s OK, I decide to forgive you,’ she says. She still hasn’t turned around.

‘What? Forgive me for what?’ you say.

‘You ask Richard to come along, then you are competing with him all night. A bit boring for me, but it’s OK. I understand.’

‘That’s not actually what I wanted to say,’ you say.

‘OK, so what do you want to apologize for?’ she asks.

‘I…I don’t want to apologize for anything!’ you say. This is proving to be harder than you thought. ‘Actually I was thinking YOU should apologize for something.’

302Now she turns around. And she does not look very impressed.

‘What?’ she says.

‘Uh…I said I think you should…well, it’s about last night.’

‘What did you say?’ she asks again.

‘Well…it’s just the things you keep calling me.’

‘Like what?’

‘Just these pet names you have for me. Like “cutie” and “sweetie”.’

She looks scornful, and mystified. ‘That’s all?’ she says. ‘You asking me to apologize for that?’

‘No..it’s just that…’

‘You just say you did! What are you talking about? Do you want me to apologize or not?’

The moment is getting away from you. You better put your foot down.

‘Yes. I do,’ you say. (Sometimes, you just have to stand your ground, right?)

‘OK,’ she says. ‘No. I not going to apologize for that. That’s dumb. You should be happy I think you are so sweet.’


Then she turns around again and goes back to her sketch, leaving you floundering.

‘Uh…well, can’t we talk about it?’

‘I said what I think,’ she says.

‘Well, I haven’t. I don’t like being called those things. It’s humiliating…’

‘I call you something else worse in a moment,’ she says.

‘And particularly in front of Richard.’

‘Why Richard?’ she says.

‘Well, because he…like you said, he gets very competitive with me. Anyway I don’t see you calling him names like that.’

This remark is met with a cold silence.

‘Honey?’ you say. ‘Are you going to respond to that? I said, you don’t call Richard names like that, do you?’

‘So you want me to think about you like Richard?’ she says.

‘Yeah,’ you say, then instantly realize this is a bad idea.

‘OK,’ she says, turning to face you. ‘You are a jerk, and rubbish in bed. I only see you any more because my dumb boyfriend always invite you to to the pub, even though he don’t like you either. There, that’s what I really think of Richard. Happy now?’

Her delivery is completely deadpan and she’s looking at you like you are brown and floating. Worse, you can’t think of a single thing to say in response. She continues:

‘So, if we finish our little talk, can I go back to my sketch now, sweetie?’

304But as you are slowly mustering up a response, she bursts out laughing, unable to keep it up any more.

‘OK I won’t apologize but maybe I stop teasing you so much. And if you really, really want me to stop calling you that, I stop. But I think it’s silly.’

She’s still laughing. Somehow, this is more emasculating than being called the names in the first place.

‘Um…actually I don’t mind when we are alone,’ you say.

‘Good. So, only not when boys are around?’

‘Yeah. I just think it’s a bit demeaning…’

‘But you are so sweet,’ she says. ‘And very cute too. You always doing things for me. It’s lovely. So I just want to call you those things so everybody knows.’

‘Yeah, but…’ This has gone too far now. It’s not the names you really mind, at rock bottom, and you know it. You are going to have to tell her what’s really on you mind.

‘OK look, the real problem is…you know, that old thing about how girls go for bastards. Sometimes, I feel like you respect guys like Richard more than me. You don’t think he’s sweet or cute or whatever. Maybe you think he’s kind of…dangerous.’

‘Yes, I know what you mean,’ she says, still smiling. ‘Actually I do think that about some boys, sometimes. But not Richard. He’s just a jerk. I already say that. ‘

‘OK, well…maybe I’m just jealous.’

305She laughs again. ‘Sweetie, it’s cute that you are worried and jealous. But you got to ask yourself one thing….’

‘What’s that?’ you say.

‘If I wanted to be with a guy like that, why would I go out with you?’

Then she giggles, pokes out her tongue, turns around, and goes back to work.


NOTE: More samples of this Met-Art photo-shoot of Iga Wyrwal are up here and here.

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Bad Sub! No Sex For You: A D/s Hiatus

Well, I have to report that the D/s thing never really got over the aftermath of the move. After a brief conversation last night, myself and Michelle decided to put our arrangement on hold for the time being and then review things at the end of February.

This isn’t one of those natural ebbs and flows in the lifestyle that I assumed it was in my previous post on this subject, which turned out to be dead wrong. It just isn’t working. The reason is quite simple: Michelle is going through a time of major change, getting used to being at home instead of working, and also ultimately thinking about a change of career when she goes back to work.

So, she isn’t in the right headspace to be leading the relationship, so that job keeps falling to me, and my submissive role gets put on hold while I take charge, “just this one time,” but every time is just this one time. I have been pretty much running the show for the last three or four weeks, making many of the major financial, logistical and time management decisions, countermanding some of her decisions (which never used to happen), and taking a lot of time out to do my own thing whenever I feel like it. Basically I’ve been about as submissive as Idi Amin.

I must say, I was finding the D/s thing very confusing in a new situation. I kept thinking things like, “I really want to organise a system for recycling,” but then finding that in order to establish the new system I had to be quite assertive, and essentially, lead Michelle into a new way of doing things. The energy just wasn’t coming from her, so I took it on. But I find it impossible to give out that energy and remain in a submissive frame of mind.

I’d like to be able to tell you what effect this change is having in the bedroom but lack of data is preventing me from making a full report. In other words, it’s been the lowest point of my life, sexually speaking, and apart from the unauthorised orgasm I had just after New Years (ahhhh…zzzzzzz) I’ve had virtually no action at all. I told her about that, and she went “Oh, yeah, I guess I’ll have to chastise you at some point,” but her heart really isn’t in it. She just didn’t seem to care. Too preoccupied.

We had preicted that something like this might happen when we were moving, and discussed having a hiatus then, but she decided she was OK and wanted to keep going as we were. Then, when we’re back and starting to settle in, it turns out we need the hiatus. I think she put her finger on it nicely in our conversation last night. “When we were moving, I knew what my mission was, so it was eay to be in control. Now, I don’t know what my life is supposed to look like. I don’t have a mission. I can’t be in control.”

Then we sat down and did our taxes. Normally this proceedure usually involved us nearly killing one another (we’ve never done it as a D/s couple) but actually we were in control and very nice to one another. I’m wondering if somehow the basic premise of ‘no arguments’ has filtered into our relationship even though we’re no longer formally in a dynamic. One thing that both of us have learned – a democracy of two involves conflict. If you dislike conflict, it’s better to have an autocracy, or at least a situation in which both people readily acquiesce rather than fight over every little thing. I wonder if that is what we have now…

Anyway, a February review could be timely. By then, Michelle might have settled in to the home life a bit more, and there won’t be so many new things and patterns to establish. But maybe I should learn my lesson, and not second-guess this anymore, as I really don’t know what is going to happen, and will have to get used to living with some uncertainty around this.

RE: the chastity thing. I think I’m going to keep doing it anyway. I feel better, younger, more alive, even despite the lack of a dynamic, or even any sex to speak of. It just makes sense to me now, to keep it inside.

More femdom art and erotic fantasy blogging to follow…

Steve. Continue reading