Well, I have to report that the D/s thing never really got over the aftermath of the move. After a brief conversation last night, myself and Michelle decided to put our arrangement on hold for the time being and then review things at the end of February.
This isn’t one of those natural ebbs and flows in the lifestyle that I assumed it was in my previous post on this subject, which turned out to be dead wrong. It just isn’t working. The reason is quite simple: Michelle is going through a time of major change, getting used to being at home instead of working, and also ultimately thinking about a change of career when she goes back to work.
So, she isn’t in the right headspace to be leading the relationship, so that job keeps falling to me, and my submissive role gets put on hold while I take charge, “just this one time,” but every time is just this one time. I have been pretty much running the show for the last three or four weeks, making many of the major financial, logistical and time management decisions, countermanding some of her decisions (which never used to happen), and taking a lot of time out to do my own thing whenever I feel like it. Basically I’ve been about as submissive as Idi Amin.
I must say, I was finding the D/s thing very confusing in a new situation. I kept thinking things like, “I really want to organise a system for recycling,” but then finding that in order to establish the new system I had to be quite assertive, and essentially, lead Michelle into a new way of doing things. The energy just wasn’t coming from her, so I took it on. But I find it impossible to give out that energy and remain in a submissive frame of mind.
I’d like to be able to tell you what effect this change is having in the bedroom but lack of data is preventing me from making a full report. In other words, it’s been the lowest point of my life, sexually speaking, and apart from the unauthorised orgasm I had just after New Years (ahhhh…zzzzzzz) I’ve had virtually no action at all. I told her about that, and she went “Oh, yeah, I guess I’ll have to chastise you at some point,” but her heart really isn’t in it. She just didn’t seem to care. Too preoccupied.
We had preicted that something like this might happen when we were moving, and discussed having a hiatus then, but she decided she was OK and wanted to keep going as we were. Then, when we’re back and starting to settle in, it turns out we need the hiatus. I think she put her finger on it nicely in our conversation last night. “When we were moving, I knew what my mission was, so it was eay to be in control. Now, I don’t know what my life is supposed to look like. I don’t have a mission. I can’t be in control.”
Then we sat down and did our taxes. Normally this proceedure usually involved us nearly killing one another (we’ve never done it as a D/s couple) but actually we were in control and very nice to one another. I’m wondering if somehow the basic premise of ‘no arguments’ has filtered into our relationship even though we’re no longer formally in a dynamic. One thing that both of us have learned – a democracy of two involves conflict. If you dislike conflict, it’s better to have an autocracy, or at least a situation in which both people readily acquiesce rather than fight over every little thing. I wonder if that is what we have now…
Anyway, a February review could be timely. By then, Michelle might have settled in to the home life a bit more, and there won’t be so many new things and patterns to establish. But maybe I should learn my lesson, and not second-guess this anymore, as I really don’t know what is going to happen, and will have to get used to living with some uncertainty around this.
RE: the chastity thing. I think I’m going to keep doing it anyway. I feel better, younger, more alive, even despite the lack of a dynamic, or even any sex to speak of. It just makes sense to me now, to keep it inside.
More femdom art and erotic fantasy blogging to follow…