Well, now I’m really confused…

So, time for an update.

It would be very hard to characterise the current state of our relationship. In one sense, the overt D/s nature is still on the back burner, we’ve hardly even mentioned it to each other, other than to repeat the idea that we are going to talk it over again at the end of February.

The night after we made this decision we went to bed and had raucous, eye-popping sex, almost as though some other part of our dynamic had been waiting beneath the surface for the shackles to come off. As soon as there were no ‘rules’, we hit it like jackhammers. But that was a few weeks ago, and while we’ve had some fun sex since then I wouldn’t say it was roaring along. Might have been a one-off.

In terms of things out of the bedroom, it’s…good but odd. There’s a distance between us caused by a change in the dynamic, but there’s been no real conflict and in one way we’re getting on extremely well. When we do argue it is usually very direct and with an eye to fixing the problem, rather than avoiding the real issues or talking about past hurts. We’ve been affectionate and close, and I still find her bossiness kind of endearing rather than annoying now. I can ignore it if I want to but quite alot of the time I go along with it anyway.

So, while we’re not having a D/s relationship, we’re…what exactly are we doing? I’m not really sure how to describe it, but it is as though we have both learned somehow to improve the trust in our relationship, and that is still there even though the D/s thing is on hold.

This is good news, because something we’d both been worried about was “what are we going to do if this doesn’t work?” We realised we couldn’t go back to the fucked-up democracy of before, so we’d have to move forward to a new way of relating if the D/s thing fell through. At the moment it is like we have done that without even really trying. So we both feel that we can experiment with new ways of relating without calling our whole relationship into question.

All in all, things are fine, if a little up in the air. And I still fancy subbing to her if she’s in the right headspace. I saw her lazily reclining on the couch the other day, talking to a friend about how she just wanted to take it easy this year while I worked to support her, and I just wanted to eat her like a peach right then and there. But there’s really not a lot I can do until she decides she’s into it, so we’ll see how we go…


4 thoughts on “Well, now I’m really confused…

  1. Steve
    “there’s really not a lot I can do until she decides she’s into it, so we’ll see how we go…”, we can all relate to the statement, to some degree or another.

    Whether they choose to recognise it or not, use it or abuse it, our wives have always held the balance of power, and that’s never going to change.

  2. Steve,

    I’ve read many accounts by men in your situation but you have a rare balance and clarity. My sincerest best wishes for a successful and enduring relationship.

    Richard (who discovered your blog via your link to my Sex if Funny)

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