Two weeks into chastity and I’m normally feeling pretty hyper-masculine and penis oriented. I am the MAN! But after nearly four – and I’ve never been this far before – I’m finding something else is emerging, and it’s kind of good, but pretty weird.
I have a strongly feminine sense that I am carrying around something almost sacred within me and that I have to be very careful otherwise it will spill.
I guess an obvious image to show here would be of a young African girl carrying a bowl of water on her head, but I don’t quite feel like that. While there is certainly an aspect of service, and also of something kind of pre-modern, I feel that I am carrying something more exotic than water. In my mind, it is like a bowl of wine that I am carrying at waist level. In one sense it is outside of me, but it is also inside; the bowl inside me occupies the space between my perineum and navel. It is almost full to the brim, so I need to be precise and delicate when I move otherwise the contents will be lost upon the ground.
As I said, this feels like a form of service, to be made to carry this precious liquid a long distance and not spill a drop. But I also feel that I have great power as well, and that at some point when the time is right, maybe tomorrow or maybe a long time from now, my mistress will ask me to perform the libation and I will be allowed to lift the bowl up above my head and pour the wine out on the ground, like the goddess Aphrodite in this picture.
When I imagine this happening, it is as though the contents of the bowl have emptied out inside my body and I can feel waves of vague, tingly pleasure spilling down through my stomach and into my legs. This has happened twice. I didn’t deliberately try to do this, the visualization just came naturally, and I felt like that.
I have never felt anything like this before. I have imagined that I might feel like this, but it has never before been real. When I first began experimenting with chastity, I read some stuff about Tantra and Taoism and other kinds of spirituality in submissive sexuality, and have tried various exercises but this is the first time anything of that kind has happened for me. and it is basically happening of its own accord. It’s kind of awesome. Strangely, my actual urge for orgasm seems to be taking a breather and I am not ragingly horny like I have been up until a few days ago. Kind of a relief actually; but it’s possibly also just the eye of the storm.