Read this post over on Cricketed’s blog after a 20-day spell, and was reminded of why we got into doing this in the first place…
Pre-conceived notions of what constitute true and lasting sexual satisfaction need to be shaken off, along with a good deal of ego. The goal is a communion that transcends fleeting gratification. A man kept in chaste sexual service to his wife exchanges orgasm for exaltation. When reverence for his wife is allowed its proper place in a man’s heart, the sexual intimacy shared by a couple takes on deeper, richer, and more satisfying meaning.
Yeah, I remember feeling like that, all zealous and shit. I hope we get there again. But right now I’m more jealous than zealous. I’m at about 18 days over here and I’m feeling like wet lettuce on stale and soggy white loaf. Bleh.
I just can’t seem to get the gumption to do anything. I turned down sex last night coz I wasn’t in the mood, and all I seem to want to do is sleep. Things haven’t been argumentative between us, and Michelle has been her usual sexy self, but there hasn’t been any real vibe to speak of from my end, and basically, I have just been feeling low. Work is going through a boring phase, with no fun jobs at present, and I find myself with little to look forward to. This feeling has been building up for several weeks.
A lot of this has nothing to do with D/s at all. It’s partly got to do with a sport injury I sustained which has made it impossible to do any exercise for about a week, and so the weight has started to come back on. But it’s also that I am not finding I have the energy or concentration for a lot of fun pursuits I normally like to do.
Seems like there are times when lengthy spells of chastity are not enough. I think when you start out, the hormones keep you on a high that transcends other stuff in your life. But after a while, your body gets used to it and then a three week spell isn’t enough to lift a bad mood. You just feel horny and tired.
This is a complex situation. I think on one hand that chastity is very good for my relationship and something that we both is agree is really sexy. But on the other hand, there are other areas of my life that need attention too, like work and other creative pursuits. At the moment I am finding it difficult to get the energy to do a lot of stuff I like to do.
Hopefully the injury will sort itself out and then I won’t be so tired.
I have decided to take the ticker down and forget about the whole “length of time” thing. Not that it is really the major issue, it’s just a symbol, I guess. The whole notion of measuring feelings in terms of the length of time you have been in chastity seems wrong for me at the moment because it actually needs to be about the vibe and not the length if time.
Wish I was feeling that old zealous way at the moment.