Our sex life – and consequently my blogging – is taking on a new direction.
I have told Michelle that I want to have some control over her sexuality in the same way that she has over mine; I’d like us both to be responsible for when the other person comes. Not as a set thing, just something I’d like to experiment with when it seems right.
I’m not sure if there are other couples around where both people are ‘keyholders’ or where both have that sort of control at the same time, but that is sort of the direction we could be going in. Except that Michelle isn’t sure if she wants to give me that much control right away…she says she doesn’t mind experimenting with it, though.
Not sure where this leaves me in relation to kink but one thing I do know – when we have sex now, and there’s anything kinky going on, I think we both recognize that it is just kinky sex and doesn’t really mean anything in terms of the power situation in our relationship. Over the last year I have found it is possible to have perfectly fun sex with Michelle roughing me up or tying me up or whatever, and have a totally normal vibe at other times.
When we first started getting into kink I thought it would be necessary to have some kind of understanding that there was a D/s relationship all the time; so that the sex would work, and the whole thing would just be sexier. I thought that my brain would not accept role-play, or forays into D/s territory. I thought that I would be worried all the time about whether the whole thing was real.
After having tried it out, I have come to realise that my brain will accept role play just fine. If I’m getting tied up and tormented, I’m happy. In fact, I am more able to give myself over to the experience of submission, and less worried about whether the whole thing is real. It’s real while it is happening and that is enough.
This is liberating, really….