What sort of behaviour would I want to see from a submissive woman? Let’s see…
Lounging around on the couch looking sexy. Eating fruit. Doing yoga. Relaxing. Sleeping. Reading. Smiling. Being happy. Making herself available for my pleasure, and her own.
And what sort of lifestyle would I wish for a dominant woman in my life? Um…
Lounging around on the couch looking sexy. Eating fruit. Doing yoga. Relaxing. Sleeping. Reading. Smiling. Being happy. Asking me to pleasure her.
It’s the same picture, Steve!
I don’t think I’d make much of a dominant in the traditional sense. A kinky girl who liked getting called a slut and having her ass whacked might find herself bored pretty soon, because what I would actually want her to do is get very fit and healthy, and practice tantric yoga, breath control and energy orgasms.
My orders would not be: wear a collar, lick up my come and get my name tattooed on your ass.
My orders would be: hire a cleaner, get your hair done twice a month, and do an erotic massage course.
So, my current image of domination is an expression of the ability to have another person as an ornament, a nice thing to have around. A submissive in my mind is someone to be cherished and desired, but who doesn’t actually have to do very much of anything, and can just relax and have a good time. I don’t fantasise about being able to get my wife to do stuff. I fantasise about being able to put her in a position where she doesn’t really have to do anything and can just concentrate on having a good time.
I have spoken to Michelle about this and she says that in an ideal situation, she would happily be that girl. She says she might eventually get bored after a while and go back to do some light study or something of the sort, but that it might take her quite a few years before she even stared to get bored of living that lifestyle.
In terms of having me as a submissive, she says she would also much rather have a relaxed, happy, fit male companion than an anxious masochist who was always wondering when the next submission rush was coming from.
In our lives at the moment, we both have to work, and the regular stresses of running a household are there each day. So, the lifestyle fantasy will probably remain just that.
But when we go on holiday, or have a lot of time for each other, a dynamic quickly develops where I do things for her, we prioritise resources on things she likes, and she sits back and enjoys it.
But it’s the other way round, too. She also does amazing things for me sexually, without thinking about her own pleasure. I’m going to post about that in a few days. But for now I will say that the most genuine feelings of submission I have ever experienced have come very recently, from lying on my back being pleasured by her, without any thought about whether I can ‘get’ her to come. She’s in charge of my pleasure. I’m just there.
I think my fantasies, and my desires generally, have moved away from being about BDSM specifically and toward having the sort of lifestyle where this natural pattern of our relationship could fully develop.
It’s a selfish, shallow, hedonistic fantasy. And I’m totally OK with that.