Sex night is the night when we are going to have sex.
Sounds simple, but it has taken Michelle and me a long time to arrive at this idea.
We have accepted for a long time that Michelle is not only the gatekeeper of our sex life – that is, the one who controls when we have sex – but also, the chef – she sets the menu for what we are going to do in bed. (If she wants me to jump on her and ‘take’ her, she lets me know how she is feeling some time in advance. But mostly she’s happy just saying exactly what she wants me to do.)
The only problem with this situation is that it leaves me wondering when the sex is going to happen and, like a lot of guys, I start to anticipate, and it can cause some problems. I end up feeling rejected or her pressured, or both.
I know myself well enough to realise that simply saying “I will not anticipate sex” isn’t a solution. I will anticipate it. That’s a given. Maybe one day I will get to the stage where I won’t, but I am not there at the moment.
So anyway, the solution she has recently proposed is that she will nominate a night that is sufficiently in the future (like, five days) that she knows she will definitely be ready, and then she tells me when it is: “Sex night is this Friday” (or whatever day it is). Then I know I am not to anticipate anything on earlier nights.
So far this has been pretty awesome, mostly on the other nights. Not saying the sex hasn’t been good, but, it was good before. The main advantage is that on the off nights, instead of sitting around with part of my mind wondering if she might ask me, I relax into just being with her. I give her epic foot massages, and I cuddle her and we kiss and talk and she plays with my erection through my pants and reminds me I am not allowed to come. I am enraptured by her and I know that in a few nights time, I’ll get to go to bed with her, and see her face when she comes.
Of course, she is free to back down if she is not feeling like it in the allotted night. And she is also totally free to jump in early and ask me to pleasure her before the night in question. But for me, all I need think about is that sex night is coming, and I don’t have to think about it.