As per usual, me and Michelle have been going through highs and lows – some great times, but also some real lows lately. Funny how they seem to come together. We both wish they didn’t.
Since this is a chastity / femdom blog I will mostly limit my observations to stuff about that, but suffice to say that issues that plague many modern marriages – division of time and labour, sex, money, social issues – also plague ours.
A particular issue that has been coming up lately – close to an impending move and life change – is that when I am chaste I naturally begin to become submissively inclined. I do not mean “cleaning the toilet with a toothbrush” inclined. I mean, wanting to feel a submissive rush during sex or companionship.
Michelle likes me wearing the device and has begun to actually insist on it. She gets quite turned on when I am locked up while pleasuring her, and likes it when it gets taken off, and she gets to see me stand to attention. But in her mind, that is a separate thing to having the sort of sex where she is dominant with me. She likes the device, quite separate from anything else. (She does like other stuff too, on occasion).
But I have told her that when the device goes on, I start to feel the need to please her, and also, to feel a submissive rush. So in my mind, the two are connected.
“So it’s a package deal?” she asked.
“I guess it is. That’s how I feel,” I said. And we both worry that eventually my neediness when the device is on will spill over into bottom-topping, or open fighting.
We’ve agreed to keep a close eye on this as we do not want things fucking up while we are in the middle of the stresses of a big move. The device is on at the moment, but might be going away for a while, while we are settling in.
I find it difficult to imagine how the two things could be separate. In my mind, wearing this thing is so obviously a symbol of submission, and an extension of the desire to feel the rush of a submissive. But it seems to turn her on, quite independently of that. Life can be strange.