Polish Girlfriend T-shirts

“Polish Girlfriend” is quite the internet meme. Not only are there websites on how to obtain one by mail order, but there are also loads of advice sites and Polish forum articles on their proper care and handling, and what to expect once you have one (extreme hawtness, conservatism, lack of sex). Men from other European nations (especially the U.K.) want one under the pervasive belief that they are the most attractive type of girl (together with Russian girls), but are also concerned that “cultural barriers” might get into the way of a “long-term successful relationship” (i.e. one with lots of sex).

All in all, the Polish Girlfriend is a high-risk, high-status asset, and if you have one, you better tell the whole world. Just in the same way you can show your class by helping to promote cars or imported beer brands, you can help to advertise that you have a Polish Girlfriend, or even that you would like to have one, with a range of t-shirts from Zazzle (also available on Cafe Press).


Another series is available from Polart, or Poland by Mail. These come in  two commitment levels.

One can also advertise one’s existence and availability as a potential Polish Girlfriend in the same manner…

Polart also enables you to declare generally the world’s love for Polish Girls.

Finally, if one is not yet the owner of a PG but would like one, you can also advertise your desires.

Once can find similar series of wares for German, Irish, Brazilian and even British Girlfriends (???), and a few other races too, although these are not quite so widespread. Interestingly, the main Russian Girlfriend t-shirt simply reads “Looking For Russian Girlfriend”, presumably to be worn in Russia or nearby. Search results for “French girlfriend t-shirt” go off at some very strange angles, and Albanian or Mongolian Girlfriend t-shirts don’t seem to be on the market at all yet. All in good time, I’m sure.

In the meantime, there’s no girls like Polish girls in terms of status, it would seem. So, if you are fantasising about being with a gorgeous but also traditional, austere and powerful young woman, the Polish Girlfriend meme is for you, and all the other guys around like you.

But, um, have you thought about why you fancy that type of girl, and not the easy-going and possibly more sexually available girl next door?

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend keeps calling you “Sweetie” in public

Before we begin…did you miss episodes 1 and 2? Go read them first, if you like, or just move straight on to…

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend, Episode 3

You have been getting a bit fed up with your GP girlfriend lately. Maybe the honeymoon phase is over…although the sex is still amazing. It’s not that she isn’t incredibly hot, or smart, or funny, and she can be really supportive too; in fact she recently did a whole bunch of photocopying and filing for you, because you got behind at your new job. (She made you pay her back in cooking, though).

The problem is that she keeps calling you these patronizing names, when other guys are around, like “darling,” or “lovely”, or even worse, “sweetie.” It’s just emasculating.

Last night she even called you “sweetie” in front of her ex-boyfriend, Richard, and you had to put up with his superior smirks and jibes for the rest of the night. Then he called you “sweetie” once, while she was in the toilet, and you had no comeback at all.

It’s just downright disrespectful, that’s what it is!

301So you’ve decided to show her you won’t stand for it. When you get home from work, you head up to her bedroom to confront her. Unfortunately you get a little caught off guard by the fact that she’s in her underwear, doing a sketch of herself for her drawing class, looking in a full-length mirror. But you’ve got a head of steam up, so you go ahead regardless.

‘Hey, I want to talk to you about something.’

‘Can it wait sweetie? I just start this, I have to do it tonight.’

‘No it can’t wait,’ you say, puffing yourself up and putting on a deep voice. ‘It’s important. It’s about what happened last night.’

‘It’s OK, I decide to forgive you,’ she says. She still hasn’t turned around.

‘What? Forgive me for what?’ you say.

‘You ask Richard to come along, then you are competing with him all night. A bit boring for me, but it’s OK. I understand.’

‘That’s not actually what I wanted to say,’ you say.

‘OK, so what do you want to apologize for?’ she asks.

‘I…I don’t want to apologize for anything!’ you say. This is proving to be harder than you thought. ‘Actually I was thinking YOU should apologize for something.’

302Now she turns around. And she does not look very impressed.

‘What?’ she says.

‘Uh…I said I think you should…well, it’s about last night.’

‘What did you say?’ she asks again.

‘Well…it’s just the things you keep calling me.’

‘Like what?’

‘Just these pet names you have for me. Like “cutie” and “sweetie”.’

She looks scornful, and mystified. ‘That’s all?’ she says. ‘You asking me to apologize for that?’

‘No..it’s just that…’

‘You just say you did! What are you talking about? Do you want me to apologize or not?’

The moment is getting away from you. You better put your foot down.

‘Yes. I do,’ you say. (Sometimes, you just have to stand your ground, right?)

‘OK,’ she says. ‘No. I not going to apologize for that. That’s dumb. You should be happy I think you are so sweet.’


Then she turns around again and goes back to her sketch, leaving you floundering.

‘Uh…well, can’t we talk about it?’

‘I said what I think,’ she says.

‘Well, I haven’t. I don’t like being called those things. It’s humiliating…’

‘I call you something else worse in a moment,’ she says.

‘And particularly in front of Richard.’

‘Why Richard?’ she says.

‘Well, because he…like you said, he gets very competitive with me. Anyway I don’t see you calling him names like that.’

This remark is met with a cold silence.

‘Honey?’ you say. ‘Are you going to respond to that? I said, you don’t call Richard names like that, do you?’

‘So you want me to think about you like Richard?’ she says.

‘Yeah,’ you say, then instantly realize this is a bad idea.

‘OK,’ she says, turning to face you. ‘You are a jerk, and rubbish in bed. I only see you any more because my dumb boyfriend always invite you to to the pub, even though he don’t like you either. There, that’s what I really think of Richard. Happy now?’

Her delivery is completely deadpan and she’s looking at you like you are brown and floating. Worse, you can’t think of a single thing to say in response. She continues:

‘So, if we finish our little talk, can I go back to my sketch now, sweetie?’

304But as you are slowly mustering up a response, she bursts out laughing, unable to keep it up any more.

‘OK I won’t apologize but maybe I stop teasing you so much. And if you really, really want me to stop calling you that, I stop. But I think it’s silly.’

She’s still laughing. Somehow, this is more emasculating than being called the names in the first place.

‘Um…actually I don’t mind when we are alone,’ you say.

‘Good. So, only not when boys are around?’

‘Yeah. I just think it’s a bit demeaning…’

‘But you are so sweet,’ she says. ‘And very cute too. You always doing things for me. It’s lovely. So I just want to call you those things so everybody knows.’

‘Yeah, but…’ This has gone too far now. It’s not the names you really mind, at rock bottom, and you know it. You are going to have to tell her what’s really on you mind.

‘OK look, the real problem is…you know, that old thing about how girls go for bastards. Sometimes, I feel like you respect guys like Richard more than me. You don’t think he’s sweet or cute or whatever. Maybe you think he’s kind of…dangerous.’

‘Yes, I know what you mean,’ she says, still smiling. ‘Actually I do think that about some boys, sometimes. But not Richard. He’s just a jerk. I already say that. ‘

‘OK, well…maybe I’m just jealous.’

305She laughs again. ‘Sweetie, it’s cute that you are worried and jealous. But you got to ask yourself one thing….’

‘What’s that?’ you say.

‘If I wanted to be with a guy like that, why would I go out with you?’

Then she giggles, pokes out her tongue, turns around, and goes back to work.


NOTE: More samples of this Met-Art photo-shoot of Iga Wyrwal are up here and here.

NOTE: This got listed in SUGASM  157. Here’s the reciprocals for y’all.

This Week’s Picks
A 2009 Wish For Smut Writers
“Sex bloggers are on the cusp of what I see as being a new kind of sexual revolution.”

Q&A with Domina Doll
“I enjoy teaching others how to explore that aspect of themselves.”

“He kissed the side of my neck, sweeping my long hair out of the way, working his mouth across the side of my neck to press little bites along my collarbone.”

Sugasm Editor
Sex Work And Honesty: When The Truth Hurts

Editor’s Choice
Dictation with Davis

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews
Four Seasons Studded And Ribbed Condoms Review
Sari Stripping
Taking action

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Autobiography of a Masturbator: Porn O’Graphicus, Part 6
Banging on the Bongs
Horror Vacui
How NOT to Talk About Size and Sexuality
Lessons I’ve Learned (so you don’t have to )
The Recruiting Process

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Ariel (errotica archives)
da Deflowered HNT
Maria Ford Ripped Open Revealing Breasts in Passion Cove
Meggan Mallone – All Tied Up

BDSM & Fetish
20 Macaroons
Forced bisexuality revisited part 2
KSL Kontest Winner for December
Leaving The Ramrod
My First Cell Popping
Poly Mono Saturated Thoughts
A year of lustful quality

Sex Advice
Anal Sex Precautions

Ask Miss Bliss – My Wife Wants a Threesome With Two Guys
Dear Em & Lo: Help, I Can’t Orgasm with My Boyfriend!

Erotic Writing and Experiences
All woman
And With Your Eyes
Dick Meets Jane…Again
Fire and Ice
If you come to a fork in the road, take it
Last Chance
Middle School Fantasy
A Quick Fuck in a Shadowed Corner
She Walks in Beauty, Chapter 2
Stripper Academy: Visiting Professor
The Summer of Roses
Weasel Journal
The Workout Part One
Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Keeps Calling You Sweetie in Public

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Won’t Pose Just How You Imagined

Remember in a previous episode, you (a sex-obsessed guy, twenty something) were going out with a girl bearing an uncanny resemblance to Polish-born porn star Iga Wyrwal? You tried to impress her with your cooking, and it didn’t go so well? Never mind, your luck changed a few days later.

Anyway you’ve been going out for three months now and so far it’s been a pretty wild ride. She’s incredibly sexy and great fun to be with, but your actual sex-life is erratic. Some days she’s just amazing and then two weeks later she’s totally not into it. You just can’t figure it out.

It’s been a particularly dry spell lately, four whole days with nothing except hours of kissing, and you’ve noticed she’s a bit shy around you and covers up her breasts when you come near. You are starting to wonder if she’s losing interest. Ruling out chocolates and flowers as being too obvious, you fall back on that other old favourite: lingerie.

You go down to the High Street on Friday after work to pick her up a nice lacey camisole and matching underwear, then go to her house and leave it on her bed with a note saying: ‘see you in this later, maybe?’ Very restrained. Very classy.

She comes home soon after you arrive, kisses you, and heads upstairs. You hear a little cry of surprise, then sure enough, a few minutes later, she calls you to join her in the bedroom. It’s so on.

‘I wear the singlet and the knickers now,’ she says. ‘Very pretty. Thankyou.’

‘Wow. You look amazingly hot,’ you say.

‘Yes but actually I am quite cool with only this on. Maybe I put a jumper on as well.’

‘Oh, no, I didn’t mean that. I meant you looked great.’

‘I was teasing you silly boy,’ she says. ‘Anyway it is very nice. Thankyou. You make me any dinner also?’

‘Oh, sorry. I…spent a while looking for the lingerie. We can get take-away?’

She looks a bit disappointed. ‘I think it’s sweet when you cook for me. But the knickers is nice too. So, okay, you go to get takeaway.’

‘Sure. Anyway it’s not really dinner time for ages, so, we could hang around up here for a bit?’

‘OK,’ she says, smiling. ‘You want to kiss like last night? I like that.’

Last night nearly drove you mad. No, you don’t want to kiss like last night.

‘Actually darling, I was hoping we might, well, have some fun with the lingerie.’

‘How is it fun other than wearing it?’ she says.

‘Well, I was thinking you could…pose? Like, a strip tease sort of thing.’

‘Oh, like a pole girl?’ she says.

‘No, no, more classy,’ you say. ‘Just sort of, teasing.’

‘Like this?,’ she says, and starts to pull the bodice down to expose her incredible breasts, which have been out of sight for the last four days, even when you kissed her for hours.

‘Yes, totally like that,’ you say, trying to catch your breath. ‘That’s awesome. You look so hot.’

‘Yes, I do,’ she says.

‘You really have amazing tits,’ you say.

‘Yes, I was looking at them in the mirror this morning. They very big at the moment.’

Things are going well. But then you make the first mistake.

‘There’s only one thing, honey. The glasses. I sort of like it when they are off.’

She frowns. ‘Yes but sweetie I can’t actually see very well lately. The doctor say I need an eye-test and maybe I have to wear glasses all the time when I am reading or looking at faces.’

‘Oh. Sorry, babe. OK, leave them on then. You look great anyway.’

She relents. ‘Thanks. Maybe I take them off for you, I don’t need to see you staring at me anyway. I seen that before.’

Then she turns away from you and starts the strip tease. She’s very good at it. First she takes of the camisole and lets it dangle from her hand for a moment before letting it fall to the floor. You get a look at her lovely back, and the backs of her legs. She’s a goddess.

Then she undoes her zip and steps out of her skirt with a single motion. Now you can see the panties you bought her, hugging her full, firm bottom.

‘You look absolutely amazing,’ you say.

‘You keep saying that like I don’t know already,’ she teases.

Finally, she turns side on to you and toys with the straps on the bra, before undoing the back-strap and beggining to move the straps down over her shoulders. You’re as hard as a rock. It’s actually happening. She’s doing a strip-tease for you.

Now you’re getting to the heart of the fantasy. That glorious moment you’ve been imagining when she takes her hands away and lets them fall to her side, and the bra slips down to the floor, leaving her gorgeous breasts fully exposed for you to kiss and caress.

‘Just let the bra fall. Take your hands away and let it fall,’ you say, trying to sound commanding.

Second mistake, and this one is way worse. Her face changes at once.

‘OK!’ she says, turning suddenly and thrusting her chest out. ‘Look. No hands!!’

She stands there for about ten seconds with a mocking grin on her face. The bra does not fall.

Rolling her eyes, she bends forward to remove her knickers and the bra finally falls. There they are…

…but the moment is lost. You know the strip-tease is over.

‘Please stay, I really wanted to, y’know…’

‘Wanted to what? Pretend you are a porn photographer?’ she says.

‘OK, sorry. I was bossy. It’s just that I really, really like your tits…’

‘That’s sweet but you are always grabbing them, and they are quite sore right now. It hurts. So I wanted to keep them out of the way. Maybe next week you can take photos, if you like.’

She’s still smiling at you. You should just shut up, after an offer like that, but you’re still busy trying to explain yourself.

‘…and I thought if I got you something special, it might make you feel sexy.’

‘Me?’ she laughs. ‘You think this is for me? Why do I feel sexy because of this? You buy them for yourself, dumbhead.’

You are totally speechless and sit there with your mouth open. When she realises you have no comeback, or even an explanation, she continues to mock you.

‘You pay thirty-five pounds for knickers and then you want me to take them off after two minutes. You got rocks in your head.’

Still speechless. There really isn’t anything to explain. Why couldn’t you have just shut up when she was doing the strip tease?

‘Honest, you a nice boy and fun in bed but you need to listen to me and not think so much. Now you go and buy me something with a lot of meat in it, and then maybe on Monday we try this again and you just watch, OK?’

‘OK,’ you say.

And really, that was the only thing you could have said.


Disclaimer: Some images from MIchael’s White’s photoshoot with Iga are up at the bravo-erotica preview page, or just go direct to met-art.com.

NB: This post was included in SUGASM #150. I’ve decided to delete the pingbacks, but here’ s the full m’hump schtickle:

This Week’s Picks
Stolen Time
“The sigh of a kiss that has been too long waiting is a wicked rush.”

Keeping things hot when everything hurts
“While it’s not as fun for him, what I love about those times is how sexy he makes me feel at a time when I probably feel the most worthless as a lover.”

Like lovers do…
“As soon as I got that groove, he felt it. His body started to tense up and tremble.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
At What Point Have You Crossed The Line?

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Sex News, Reviews, & Interviews
Catalina loves Sgt. Major from Backdoor Bondage and Kink.com
Click Foreplay
The End of the Sex Writer?
Lust Objectified: Lelo’s Lily Vibe
Sex News Roundup

Sex Work
20 Questions With Janet Jacme
Busy Busy Busy

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Backward (One)
The Five Twenties – The Fifth Twenty
i Kissed a Girl
The love for guys in uniform
Natalie Gets Laid
A Night to Remember, ft. Mariella and VibeReview
Talk Dirty To Me
Will you suck it?
Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Won’t Pose Just How You Imagined

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio
Boymeat’s Boots
HNT: Lucky Heather 2
Kelly Zhang (Met Art)
Radka – OJ

Sex & Politics
Do BDSM and McCain Go Together Like Vinegar and Oil?

BDSM & Fetish
3 days
Punished in the school gym
Sex Camp 2008: The Petting Zoo!
slut to the Mailbox ….. This Morning’s Task as Accomplished
Someplace I’ve never been, part 2

Sex Advice
Man-Handles: What to Do with His Nipples?
Sadie’s Advice for Craigslist Dating. Confession #151

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Can Group Sex Get Your Man to Clean the House?
Channeling Jessica Rabbit
How I started paying for sex
Present Genitive
Seven Daily Sins: Lust

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend does not feel like having sex tonight

It’s easy to mistake ‘attractive’ for ‘available’. But just because we’re with someone who drives us crazy – accidentally or not – doesn’t always mean they want to give us what they’ve got.

Imagine you’ve been going out with Polish-born model Iga Wyrwal for a few months. (If you’re into women, that shouldn’t be too hard.) Now imagine that you’ve both been busy the last few nights – you with boring but necessary end-of-year work functions, and her with a final university assignment for the year, which she finished yesterday. So you’re both done for the year.

Here she comes now. Just look at her. It’s so on. You’ve got it all planned out in your mind: you’ll drive her back to her place, cook her a meal to remember, and then get into bed and take her a few places she’s (hopefully) never been before.

But reality starts to get in the way of your fantasy when you pick her up that afternoon from her racquetball game with her ex-boyfriend. After she gives you a peck on the cheek, you offer to carry her gear five metres to the car, an offer she politely refuses. Then you open up the passenger’s side door but she makes instead for the driver’s side.

‘You’re not driving,’ she says, and she knows you can see between her legs.

‘I thought I might give you a ride back to your place.’

‘Yes, but I drive. You never look where you are going when you drive. Last time you nearly kill me. You got to keep your eyes on the road.’

She drives.

Once you’re in the car you can smell the sweat on her from the racquetball game. It’s sweet and salty and intoxicating, quite a lot like the smell she makes when she comes. It’s the smell of victory.

‘Did you win?’ you ask.

‘Of course I win,’ she says. ‘Richard never keeps his eyes on the ball. I’m tired of playing him.’

Sucked in, Richard. You relax and she drives across town.

‘You smell amazing,’ you say. ‘New deodorant?’

‘You’re a nice guy and a bad liar. I small like a pig. I didn’t shower since yesterday morning, I got up late today. I shower when we get home.’

You don’t want to argue so you just sit quiet and enjoy the rest of the ride.

Once you get home she heads upstairs and you follow her into her room.

She takes off her racquetball uniform in front of the open window and throws it over to you, still damp from the game.

‘I go take a shower now,’ she says.

‘OK, gorgeous.’

Now you hang around around downstairs, not wishing to appear too desperate. You’re wondering if she’ll get dressed and then you’ll have to undress her, or if she’s going to want dinner and a few drinks first.

The food is largely prepared; baked duck with apples, with a sauce that took you much of the morning to make. There’s a few bottles of wine, too, light red and a German white, and some vodka in case she asks for it.

After about fifteen minutes of fiddling about with the candles on the table, wondering if you should light them yet, you hear her coming out of the bathroom, and then the sound of her bedroom door closeing. You walk back up the stairs and knock.

‘Just a minute, honey,’ she says.

You walk in anyway, unable to wait. Once inside you find her in the process of getting changed into a pair of shorts and a white work shirt. While she manages to make even this outfit look incredible, it doesn’t seem like the kind of thing she’d wear to a dinner date, even if it was in her house.

In fact, as you walk in and sit down hopefully on the bed, it slowly dawns on you through the fog of lust in your mind that it seems more like…

…the kind of thing she throws on when she’s got…

See more Iga...


‘Hey, um, are you working?’ A worried tone has come into your voice. ‘I thought we had a date, this evening.’

‘Yes but I’m busy.’ She goes to her desk. ‘I was going to come down and tell you but you barged in on me.’

‘Sorry. I…um…so, what happened?’

‘I didn’t finish last night. I got distracted. Anyway I need to work now so you can go please. I be down later. Maybe at eight I finish.’

‘So what am I going to do?’

‘Did you wash my uniform yet? Also what about the cooking?’

The cooking’s done. Roast duck with apples. In case you were homesick.’

‘Yes but I don’t feel like that any more. Too heavy. Make me something with just salad. I eat chocolate last night. Anyway I need to be alone now. Please.’

She eyes the door. You take your cue and leave.

Oh well. It’s five now and she’s coming down at eight, so there’s still plenty of time to make her something else, eat it, and then hit the sack, with her in it.

You patiently make her a garden salad, and a Waldorf too, nipping out to get some fresh celery. Then you lie about on her couch trying to calm down, reading her tennis magazines, watching the news. At eight-thirty you are almost about to go up and knock to offer her a glass of wine, when she comes down the stairs, all dressed up fine, and sits down at the table, clearing the setting out of the way and putting her feet up.

‘Get me a glass of wine,’ she says. ‘I finish, e-mail to my tutor and now I want to celebrate.’

Pouring her some white wine, you ask her when she’d like to eat.

‘Not hungry. I want to go out to a wine bar. Take me out and buy me wine.’

‘OK, sure. You look gorgeous. But, do you still want to, have sex later?’

‘I’m not feeling horny. More like drinking tonight.’

‘Really? I thought this was kind of going to be a big night for us…’

‘Well, I was very horny last night, but you went out to your party instead of being with me. So I help myself out. Three times. I was looking at Novak Djokovic on the tennis DVD. I like his legs. Also I eat a lot of chocolate.’

She obviously thinks this is very funny. You nearly faint.

‘Honey, I’ve been waiting for ages and I’d really, really like to go to bed with you. Really. I know you like it when I go along with whatever you want but this is driving me crazy.’

‘Nice speech. Maybe you should make it in the mirror to your cock. Because I wanted you and your cock here last night and you were both busy. So now we go to the wine bar. Or I go on my own.’

She grins like a cat.

What are you going to do, say no to her? Yeah, right.

Oh well. Maybe tomorrow’s the day.


Episodes 2 and 3 are HERE

Disclaimer: Photos of the famous Iga Wyrwal are up all over the net in a wide variety of places, but most of them are originally from Met-art.com, where she has done all her best work. This preview page will lead you into their members area if you want to see more of this girl.



Life is to enjoy…



This post was listed in Sugasm 146.

This information is cross-posted from that site:


This Week’s Picks
Nipple clamps, butt plug, Hitachi – oh my!
“Once the plug is in, I’m going to send you on a little walk.”

I discover transcendental orgasm
“It was peaceful, and like holding on to a live wire at the same time.”

When We Were Kids: Thoughts on BDSM
“The tying was always my favourite part, whether I was the one tied who had to escape, or the one who got to do the tying.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
Like a Prayer – Part 2

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.