Wish she hadn’t been so sexy

This is my ex-girlfriend Caprice, settling in for a bath. Last time, I told you about how she basically got me to invite her to move in, by letting me take candid pictures of her on a train. I hope that gave you some idea of what she was like.

After she moved in, the games continued. She kept working as a temp and made a little money, although she spent most of it on herself. She hated her job, and moaned about it constantly. She said her main passion was to be a masseuse and she was going to train to be one, some day. But I had a few massages from her and they were ordinary. She just pinched my shoulder muscles for a while, to no real purpose. It seemed to me that she had no passion for it at all. She always seemed to like getting them, though. Went to some place in the city once a month or so.

In fact I don’t think Caprice ever really had much passion for most things – especially me. No matter what I did, I never really got very far with her. She liked being able to say she was going out with a successful sound engineer, and she loved my apartment, but I never made her smile (on purpose), and in bed, I doubt that gave her a single real orgasm in the whole two years I was with her. She was so good at faking things, it was impossible to tell.

On this particular occasion I came in when she was having a bath – her second of the day, in fact – and I found her masturbating. She quickly covered herself, as though her pussy was something I wasn’t supposed to see, even though we’d had sex the night before.

‘What do want?’ she asked.

‘I just wanted to see what you were doing,’ I replied.

‘You saw what I was doing. Happy?’

‘Caprice…maybe I could stay. Maybe I could just watch, to see what you do.’

I said this because I wanted to see what she was like, masturbating. Maybe if I watched her give herself an orgasm, I would know what it looked like. That’s how desperate I was.

‘So you’re just going to stand there?’ she said.

‘Yeah,’ I said. ‘Go for it. Just pretend I’m not here.’

‘Okay,’ she said. (I realised later that that this was what she did most of the time, anyway.)

So she ignored me and got down to it. She pulled out a glass dildo that I did not know that she owned, and moved it in and out of herself, very slowly, with her eyes closed. I was surprised by how gentle the motions were. She hardly seemed to be moving at all, but her body started to stiffen and sway in time with some rhythm she was keeping in her head.

After about five minutes of this she lifted a leg and came in from a slightly different angle, and she started making a soft, sighing noise that I had never heard before. Her eyes were still closed, and I suspected she was fantasizing about something, probably not me.

I had no erection as I watched this. In fact I was dismayed by how little it looked like what we did together, and how little I seemed to know about my girlfriend.

After a few minutes with her leg up, she went quiet and held her breath, and I think that was when she actually came, her face calm with concentration.

But then she opened her eyes just for a moment and looked at me, and then I saw her give a faint smile as she looked away. She still had the dildo inside her, and she moved it in and out a few times, and made a sound, a little gasp, exactly the noise that she makes when she comes with me.

I’m pretty sure it was fake.

Who fakes an orgasm while masturbating? Especially if they have just had one? I can never be sure that this is what Caprice actually did that day, but my instinct is pretty strong. It just fits with everything else about her.

Afterwards I asked her what she had been fantasizing about.

‘Nothing,’ she said. I knew she was lying.

I wish she hadn’t been so sexy, honestly. I wish that cold, manipulative people were all ugly, and warm-hearted generous girls were gorgeous. Then, I’d never have gone out with her. And I’d never gotten into that total mess when her sister Tiffany came to stay.

Lamegasm (holiday mode)

Michelle and I fucked last night and I was refused orgasm- surprise surprise – but I had a ruined orgasm when I tried to withdraw from her and suddenly felt how wet she was.

‘Oops. Sorry.’

‘So you should be! You need more self-control,’ she said. ‘Still, at least your little lamegasm will help you sleep better on the plane.’

(We’re heading off on a three week trip tonight. The blog will be on sporadic autopost mode for that period).

This morning she asked me to hold her in bed for an hour and told me how much she loved me. I am very happy right now.






Sweet Spot

Things are good in my world lately.

We’re about to go on a 3-week holiday overseas and that will give us both a chance to unwind and spend a lot of time together.

But even with all the activity leading up to going away things have been pretty good.

Michelle has ben teasing me a lot of late. The other day she came to bed and then asked me to masturbate while she posed naked for me, which I did at once. Then she bit me and made me kind her glorious boobs and smell her armpits, all of which was heaven./ She told me she was going to let me come  at the end, and then reneged and said she had changed her mind. After that she kicked me out of bed and insinuated she was going to masturbate in her own time.

The following night we actually tried to have coital sex. It was a bit hopeless – I haven’t come in several weeks and am very ‘backed up’. Sometimes I am fine in this situation and can still maintain control but last night was not one of those times. We screwed for about ten minutes, very slowly, and then she pushed me off and said that I could watch her while she came.  kissed her breasts while she played with herself. No orgasm for me. No sign of one either.

Her skin feels amazing at the moment. It’s warm and tender and smells heavenly. She giggles when I tell her things like this this because she knows that it’s largely the hormones making me feel that way but I also think she likes it too.

Out Come the Hotties

It is Spring where I am and the city is suddenly full of attractive women in sundresses.

Every year I wonder the same thing.

Do they uglify in winter? Do they hibernate?

Do I only notice them with their legs and shoulders exposed?

Surely a hot woman is still hot even in winter dress. Especially as I generally consider myself a ‘face’ man, first and foremost.

Or maybe, my own sexuality rebounds with the return of warm weather.

Next year it will be the same.


Nearly Three Weeks

Non-device chastity at the 19-day mark. This period has included her birthday which was a sex fest weekend.

Somewhat surprisingly, I am not feeling mega-horny. This is partly because Michelle is sick, but that only accounts for the last four days. Before that it has just been kinda normal, business as usual, chastity.

I have, on one occasion, asked Michelle if she was going to make me come that evening when we were having sex. Her response was simply that if I liked being denied for long periods, then that was what was going to happen so I’d better get used to it. Apart from that, we haven’t mentioned it much.

While she has been sick, I don’t think she has been particularly focused on anything sexual (which is not surprising). Before that, I think she has (mostly) been aware of my lack of orgasms. But because I haven’t been overtly horny around her, she hasn’t been making a big deal out of denying me.

Somehow, not coming for 3 weeks has become low key and normalised.

In terms of mood I am periodically a bit irritable, but I am also more sunny and positive than usual, so I suspect the hormone boost is amplifying some of my normal mood states, although not to extreme levels.

All this seems OK to me. If I am to make long-tem chastity a realistic part of my life, it can’t be on my mind all the time, and it can’t be a “special” thing all the time either. It’s a bit like dieting, maybe. If you spend the whole time thinking about food, the weight isn’t going to stay off. It only works if you change your basic relationship with food.

In this case, I don’t think our relationship can sustain an obsessive focus on my orgasm or lack thereof – it has to become something normalised. It will only work if I change my whole way of thinking about orgasms. They are something I don’t get to have much, and that’s just the deal. In the meantime, it’s my job to make use of the energy for other things.

This cold be heading down a kind of tantric path, maybe, although I have never previously had the focus or concentration for that to any serious degree. We will see what happens.

Not with a Bang

Or a whimper either, really.

I mentioned in my last personal post that me and Michelle have lately entered into another male chastity phase and she has agreed to be in charge of my orgasms. Since then, she has also agreed to take the dominant role in our relationship.

The conversation around this was also very brief – I guess because we have been this way before and we know all the issues.

S – I think it would be good if you would take charge of our relationship and do what you wanted, and ask for what you want as well.

M – I don’t mind that idea, but I don’t really want a lot of kinky stuff. It’s not really me.

S – Can I ask for it sometimes?

M – Okay. And, the chastity thing is fun, but you can get too needy when you haven’t come for a while. It ends up being too much pressure on me.

S – I’ll try not to do that. You could always make me come if it starts getting weird.

M – OK, well, let’s give it a try.

S – Sure.

That’s a slightly condensed version, but really, it took no more than five minutes.

She has let me come once in the last three weeks. She has also been demanding what she wants, but also made it clear she wants me to offer her acts of service as well, like cups of tea and footrubs and so on because it’s nice for her and shows her that I am paying attention to her. Pretty easy stuff.

The subsequent sex has been A) much more frequent and B) pretty vanilla overall. Most of the time she just likes me to make her come really hard with my tongue or fingers after penetrating her for a while, and then she teases me about how I am not allowed to come, and that’s it. She has also agreed to give me anal on request, and followed up on it. But the main difference is the kissing, the affection, the teasing, sexy vibe between us. It’s so much stronger than when I am not chaste.

So, the lack of regular ‘kink’ is OK for me. My main turn on is being teased and denied orgasm anyway, bondage and so on have always been a bit peripheral. I think I’ll probably ask for something along those lines about once every six months, and leave it there.

I look back on previous years on this blog and think about how hard I worked, and how difficult it was to get to this point, and the struggle feels strange to me now. I think I must have mellowed out about the whole thing in the last few years. Or maybe she has. And now, it’s just clicked.

Hoping this isn’t a false dawn – it really doesn’t feel like one.

That Needy Girl

I am not going to name names but I think you know the one. She used to hide my car keys to stop me going places. She used to have tantrums in public like a two year old. She used to call me an asshole and then in the next breath, suggest I was being too nice to her.

With another guy after me – she even pretended to get pregnant and then faked an abortion with a cow’s heart and a bag of blood.

Of course the sex was good. But it wasn’t that good. No better than with all the cool women I know.

Looking back, I just want to go back and rescue me. Get me out of there sooner. Like, before I even got started.