Come and get yours.
2 weeks into my trip to Europe, Carla calls me, her voice shaking.
C: I really need to take this thing off.
Me: Why? It was partly your idea, remember. No backing out now.
C: It’s driving me crazy. I keep hallucinating. Today I felt like I was practically naked in the supermarket.
Me: You are wearing your body suits under there, right?
C: Yeah but it felt like that was all I was wearing and everyone in the aisle knew it. I bought some vegetables, and then I walked home, and forgot I had driven to the store. I had to go back later. It was so embarrassing.
Me: Hah! Poor sweetie. Be careful what you wish for. I’ll be home in a week…
C: Seriously, just one? Or not even that. I just need to feel something inside me for five minutes. Then I’ll put it back on.
M: Nope. I’m not telling you where they spare key is. You gotta have something much better than that.
Things are good in my world lately.
We’re about to go on a 3-week holiday overseas and that will give us both a chance to unwind and spend a lot of time together.
But even with all the activity leading up to going away things have been pretty good.
Michelle has ben teasing me a lot of late. The other day she came to bed and then asked me to masturbate while she posed naked for me, which I did at once. Then she bit me and made me kind her glorious boobs and smell her armpits, all of which was heaven./ She told me she was going to let me come at the end, and then reneged and said she had changed her mind. After that she kicked me out of bed and insinuated she was going to masturbate in her own time.
The following night we actually tried to have coital sex. It was a bit hopeless – I haven’t come in several weeks and am very ‘backed up’. Sometimes I am fine in this situation and can still maintain control but last night was not one of those times. We screwed for about ten minutes, very slowly, and then she pushed me off and said that I could watch her while she came. kissed her breasts while she played with herself. No orgasm for me. No sign of one either.
Her skin feels amazing at the moment. It’s warm and tender and smells heavenly. She giggles when I tell her things like this this because she knows that it’s largely the hormones making me feel that way but I also think she likes it too.
Non-device chastity at the 19-day mark. This period has included her birthday which was a sex fest weekend.
Somewhat surprisingly, I am not feeling mega-horny. This is partly because Michelle is sick, but that only accounts for the last four days. Before that it has just been kinda normal, business as usual, chastity.
I have, on one occasion, asked Michelle if she was going to make me come that evening when we were having sex. Her response was simply that if I liked being denied for long periods, then that was what was going to happen so I’d better get used to it. Apart from that, we haven’t mentioned it much.
While she has been sick, I don’t think she has been particularly focused on anything sexual (which is not surprising). Before that, I think she has (mostly) been aware of my lack of orgasms. But because I haven’t been overtly horny around her, she hasn’t been making a big deal out of denying me.
Somehow, not coming for 3 weeks has become low key and normalised.
In terms of mood I am periodically a bit irritable, but I am also more sunny and positive than usual, so I suspect the hormone boost is amplifying some of my normal mood states, although not to extreme levels.
All this seems OK to me. If I am to make long-tem chastity a realistic part of my life, it can’t be on my mind all the time, and it can’t be a “special” thing all the time either. It’s a bit like dieting, maybe. If you spend the whole time thinking about food, the weight isn’t going to stay off. It only works if you change your basic relationship with food.
In this case, I don’t think our relationship can sustain an obsessive focus on my orgasm or lack thereof – it has to become something normalised. It will only work if I change my whole way of thinking about orgasms. They are something I don’t get to have much, and that’s just the deal. In the meantime, it’s my job to make use of the energy for other things.
This cold be heading down a kind of tantric path, maybe, although I have never previously had the focus or concentration for that to any serious degree. We will see what happens.
Or a whimper either, really.
I mentioned in my last personal post that me and Michelle have lately entered into another male chastity phase and she has agreed to be in charge of my orgasms. Since then, she has also agreed to take the dominant role in our relationship.
The conversation around this was also very brief – I guess because we have been this way before and we know all the issues.
S – I think it would be good if you would take charge of our relationship and do what you wanted, and ask for what you want as well.
M – I don’t mind that idea, but I don’t really want a lot of kinky stuff. It’s not really me.
S – Can I ask for it sometimes?
M – Okay. And, the chastity thing is fun, but you can get too needy when you haven’t come for a while. It ends up being too much pressure on me.
S – I’ll try not to do that. You could always make me come if it starts getting weird.
M – OK, well, let’s give it a try.
S – Sure.
That’s a slightly condensed version, but really, it took no more than five minutes.
She has let me come once in the last three weeks. She has also been demanding what she wants, but also made it clear she wants me to offer her acts of service as well, like cups of tea and footrubs and so on because it’s nice for her and shows her that I am paying attention to her. Pretty easy stuff.
The subsequent sex has been A) much more frequent and B) pretty vanilla overall. Most of the time she just likes me to make her come really hard with my tongue or fingers after penetrating her for a while, and then she teases me about how I am not allowed to come, and that’s it. She has also agreed to give me anal on request, and followed up on it. But the main difference is the kissing, the affection, the teasing, sexy vibe between us. It’s so much stronger than when I am not chaste.
So, the lack of regular ‘kink’ is OK for me. My main turn on is being teased and denied orgasm anyway, bondage and so on have always been a bit peripheral. I think I’ll probably ask for something along those lines about once every six months, and leave it there.
I look back on previous years on this blog and think about how hard I worked, and how difficult it was to get to this point, and the struggle feels strange to me now. I think I must have mellowed out about the whole thing in the last few years. Or maybe she has. And now, it’s just clicked.
Hoping this isn’t a false dawn – it really doesn’t feel like one.
So much for my plan to get to 30 days.
Michelle and I were in bed last night and at first she said she just wanted kissing and then a good fucking. But after fooling around for a while, with her getting very bitey and a bit aggressive, she said: “Actually, it’s time for you to come.”
“Oh, OK”. My voice must have carried a strange mixture of disappointment and relief. “Why?”
“Because I want you to. How’s that for an answer?”
“I’d guess it’s the only one I am going to get,” I said.
“You got it,” she said. Then she made me come, slowly, with her hands. She has gotten mind-bindingly good at this over this years. She starts out quite firm but ends up barely touching me, and I come almost from the look on her face, the smell of her armpits, and the faintest touch of her lubricated fingers on my cock.
She says she likes it when I come like a lawn sprinkler and I am happy to say I obliged her last night. There was no question about who was going to sleep in the wet patch. We both did.
“Thanks,” she said. “I really enjoyed doing that. Now pass me that vibrator.”
It did not take her long to come. Afterwards I said, feeling a bit needy: “will you tell me when it’s time for me to come again?”
“Sure,” she said.
“Cool. You know I was going for thirty days this time, right?” (We had only got to eleven).
“Well, I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself about it,” she said with a grin.
Later she told me not to worry about feeling a bit drained for a day or so – there’s going to plenty of time for me to get my mojo back, apparently.
So, I seem to be back in a honour-system chastity regime. It’s pretty low key but it’s nice. And it’s evolved much faster than our previous agreements, and with much less talking.
Man, that orgasm felt good, though. Still thinking about it today…