So, it turns out I’m a big fan of longer-term chastity; by which at this point I mean anything over three weeks, which was my previous record. If chastity were a commercial product I’d be one of those people on TV advertisements giving gushing unsolicited endorsements, where you can’t quite believe they didn’t get paid to say it.
New feelings are emerging all the time – and at my age, that is kind of awesome. In addition to the feeling that I am carrying around something precious, I also have the more general feeling of being carried along myself. I feel that by controlling my sexual desires, Michelle is carrying me, taking me for a slow, lazy ride, and I have no control over where I am going or how long it will last. I don’t really know how to describe that any better way.
I guess this is almost the opposite of the typical femdom image of the girl riding the guy. In the image above, I now see female power, and the guy is there because she wants him to be, not because he is too weak to carry himself.
The libido lull I spoke about a few posts ago is still in effect. I still get very horny but I really do not crave orgasm at all. In fact having an orgasm does not seem particularly appealing at this point, although if Michelle wanted me to have one I’d go along with it.
For the first time, it genuinely seems as though I have no control over this, and the only way I could get an orgasm is by sneaking one. In previous bouts, there was always the surreptitious feeling that if I really wanted to come, I could get Michelle to let me. In this latest bout, it seems different. It seems now that Michelle is demanding long-term chastity and won’t budge.
I’m not sure how I know this, because I haven’t even asked her if I can come, but maybe I can just see it in her face. She may have some release date set in her mind or she might not, but either way, I have no idea, and I don’t really care at this point.
We haven’t even really talked about it very much, this time round. She periodically reminds me that my chastity is demanded and that it pleases her, but apart from that it is just understood that I am not to come, and that’s really all that needs to be said.
This is very relaxing for me. All the nagging worries and control issues about when, and where, and how, and how many, are all gone. All I have to do is nothing. I just get carried along, feeling very much in love, and everything is fine.
(PS: Of course, everything isn’t entirely fine. We both still have unmet emotional needs and we still mis-communicate about them. It happened last night, in fact. But, it used to happen worse before I was chaste, and also, remeber that this is a gushing product endorrsement for chastity so I am saving the emotional awkwardness for another post.)