Queening Chairs – DIY and SAVE

What with today’s fragile economy and unemployment situation, many of us can’t afford the big financial outlay required to get a well-made queening chair. As I have previously discussed, queening chairs are a big ticket item – even the fold-up flat-pack number from somewhere like QueensandKings.biz costs several hundred pounds, and there’s VAT and postage on top of that..

So, what are an urban girl and her sub to do?

DIY, of course!

The super low budget option is pictured here. While it has cost advantages over other options, and is easily disguised around the house as being a broken chair, there are drawbacks: namely, it’s a broken chair, and Her Majesty might not feel that her royal seat has the splendor and opulence she deserves. In addition, there is the irritating scratching and chafing to consider.

Fortunately, there is a happy middle ground between the high-price boutique item and the home made botch-job. You can download instructional videos from the Fetish Furniture Factory, get some basic hardware supplies, and make your own, just like this one:

Let me be frank: I am not normally in the habit of doing promos for pay sites, and that’s what this is. You have to pay $19.95 for a month long trial (and you could probably have downloaded all you need to know after that long). But I have yet to find an easier and cheaper way to get a good chair, so I’m letting my principles slide.

In my case the whole idea is still in the future fantasy realm, anyway. Michelle has little interest in obtaining such an item. I asked her about it a few months back…

M: “That seems like it’s more for you than me. Not worth it.”

S: “But, I could get to places I can’t normally reach when you are lying down.”

M: “You get the right place. That’s all I’m worried about.” (She loves being eaten out lying on her back).

S: “OK. My neck gets kind of sore though.”

M: “I fail to see the problem.”

You see why I like her, right? But I know lots of dominant women do like these, so, if your boss is inclined towards the chair, $20 and a trip to the hardware store, and you could be on your way…

Czech Armpit Study Misses Point by 180 Degrees, Says Deviant

Back in 2005, a Czech scientific team led by Jan Havlicek of Charles University in Prague got 48 men to complete questionnaires that measured their social dominance. The men were also asked to collect their underarm sweat by wearing cotton pads.

A group of 65 women then sniffed the pads.

Havlicek and his colleagues reported that women who were ovulating — and thus at their most fertile — and were in stable relationships rated sweat from the men with high scores for dominance highest. Other women did not show this preference.

The researchers suggested that while women are likely to pair up with men they believe will be good fathers they might be hardwired to stray with men with good genes.

Copyright 2005 by United Press International

And boy, did this study ever do the rounds of the internet. It was like all those supressed jocko homo types with websites called things like Men Confirming What They Already Believe Dot Com latched on to it as hard as they could. “We always knew those married girls we drool over were secretly attracted to us! This arbitrary survey of 65 women proves it conclusively!”

OK, sure. I’m left wondering about a couple of things. First off, how on earth do you measure social dominance in a questionairre? You are always going to get some geeky types who are not really dominant at all but are smart and vain enough to answer the survey as though they were.

Second, why was the women’s study question so different? You see, the team did study women’s armpits and give the pads to men to smell. (I wonder if they had to pay them – and by the way, this part of the study is reported way less often on the internet). They only studied 12 women and then gave their armpit pads to 42 men. Apart from the fact that the sample numbers were less, what puzzles me is that the question they asked was so obvious, and so different.

Is women’s armpit odor more attractive to men when they are ovulating? Why, yes it is. How surprising.

But if the study was about dominance in men, why was it about fertility in women?

Unless of course, the women’s fertilty was assumed to the the major factor in their attractiveness from the outset of the study.

For the record I do not find my wife’s baby-making potential her most attractive feature. I believe there is a serious dearth of scientific research in this area. Science must step up and answer the question: do horny, orgasm-starved men greatly prefer the armpit odour of socially dominant women?

Anecdotal evidence round my way strongly suggests that they do…

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend keeps calling you “Sweetie” in public

Before we begin…did you miss episodes 1 and 2? Go read them first, if you like, or just move straight on to…

Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend, Episode 3

You have been getting a bit fed up with your GP girlfriend lately. Maybe the honeymoon phase is over…although the sex is still amazing. It’s not that she isn’t incredibly hot, or smart, or funny, and she can be really supportive too; in fact she recently did a whole bunch of photocopying and filing for you, because you got behind at your new job. (She made you pay her back in cooking, though).

The problem is that she keeps calling you these patronizing names, when other guys are around, like “darling,” or “lovely”, or even worse, “sweetie.” It’s just emasculating.

Last night she even called you “sweetie” in front of her ex-boyfriend, Richard, and you had to put up with his superior smirks and jibes for the rest of the night. Then he called you “sweetie” once, while she was in the toilet, and you had no comeback at all.

It’s just downright disrespectful, that’s what it is!

So you’ve decided to show her you won’t stand for it. When you get home from work, you head up to her bedroom to confront her. Unfortunately you get a little caught off guard by the fact that she’s in her underwear, doing a sketch of herself for her drawing class, looking in a full-length mirror. But you’ve got a head of steam up, so you go ahead regardless.

‘Hey, I want to talk to you about something.’

‘Can it wait sweetie? I just start this, I have to do it tonight.’

‘No it can’t wait,’ you say, puffing yourself up and putting on a deep voice. ‘It’s important. It’s about what happened last night.’

‘It’s OK, I decide to forgive you,’ she says. She still hasn’t turned around.

‘What? Forgive me for what?’ you say.

‘You ask Richard to come along, then you are competing with him all night. A bit boring for me, but it’s OK. I understand.’

‘That’s not actually what I wanted to say,’ you say.

‘OK, so what do you want to apologize for?’ she asks.

‘I…I don’t want to apologize for anything!’ you say. This is proving to be harder than you thought. ‘Actually I was thinking YOU should apologize for something.’

Now she turns around. And she does not look very impressed.

‘What?’ she says.

‘Uh…I said I think you should…well, it’s about last night.’

‘What did you say?’ she asks again.

‘Well…it’s just the things you keep calling me.’

‘Like what?’

‘Just these pet names you have for me. Like “cutie” and “sweetie”.’

She looks scornful, and mystified. ‘That’s all?’ she says. ‘You asking me to apologize for that?’

‘No..it’s just that…’

‘You just say you did! What are you talking about? Do you want me to apologize or not?’

The moment is getting away from you. You better put your foot down.

‘Yes. I do,’ you say. (Sometimes, you just have to stand your ground, right?)

‘OK,’ she says. ‘No. I not going to apologize for that. That’s dumb. You should be happy I think you are so sweet.’

Then she turns around again and goes back to her sketch, leaving you floundering.

‘Uh…well, can’t we talk about it?’

‘I said what I think,’ she says.

‘Well, I haven’t. I don’t like being called those things. It’s humiliating…’

‘I call you something else worse in a moment,’ she says.

‘And particularly in front of Richard.’

‘Why Richard?’ she says.

‘Well, because he…like you said, he gets very competitive with me. Anyway I don’t see you calling him names like that.’

This remark is met with a cold silence.

‘Honey?’ you say. ‘Are you going to respond to that? I said, you don’t call Richard names like that, do you?’

‘So you want me to think about you like Richard?’ she says.

‘Yeah,’ you say, then instantly realize this is a bad idea.

‘OK,’ she says, turning to face you. ‘You are a jerk, and rubbish in bed. I only see you any more because my dumb boyfriend always invite you to to the pub, even though he don’t like you either. There, that’s what I really think of Richard. Happy now?’

Her delivery is completely deadpan and she’s looking at you like you are brown and floating. Worse, you can’t think of a single thing to say in response. She continues:

‘So, if we finish our little talk, can I go back to my sketch now, sweetie?’

But as you are slowly mustering up a response, she bursts out laughing, unable to keep it up any more.

‘OK I won’t apologize but maybe I stop teasing you so much. And if you really, really want me to stop calling you that, I stop. But I think it’s silly.’

She’s still laughing. Somehow, this is more emasculating than being called the names in the first place.

‘Um…actually I don’t mind when we are alone,’ you say.

‘Good. So, only not when boys are around?’

‘Yeah. I just think it’s a bit demeaning…’

‘But you are so sweet,’ she says. ‘And very cute too. You always doing things for me. It’s lovely. So I just want to call you those things so everybody knows.’

‘Yeah, but…’ This has gone too far now. It’s not the names you really mind, at rock bottom, and you know it. You are going to have to tell her what’s really on you mind.

‘OK look, the real problem is…you know, that old thing about how girls go for bastards. Sometimes, I feel like you respect guys like Richard more than me. You don’t think he’s sweet or cute or whatever. Maybe you think he’s kind of…dangerous.’

‘Yes, I know what you mean,’ she says, still smiling. ‘Actually I do think that about some boys, sometimes. But not Richard. He’s just a jerk. I already say that. ‘

‘OK, well…maybe I’m just jealous.’

She laughs again. ‘Sweetie, it’s cute that you are worried and jealous. But you got to ask yourself one thing….’

‘What’s that?’ you say.

‘If I wanted to be with a guy like that, why would I go out with you?’

Then she giggles, pokes out her tongue, turns around, and goes back to work.

THE END

NOTE: More samples of this Met-Art photo-shoot of Iga Wyrwal are up here and here.

NOTE: This got listed in SUGASM  157. Here’s the reciprocals for y’all.

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Your Gorgeous Polish Girlfriend Keeps Calling You Sweetie in Public

Apparently I’m “kinkier than most”…

…according to the Hotlanta Kink Test, anyway.

My score of 501 to 600 means I’m more than just a “kinky player”, but not a major league kinkster like The Enigmatic Angel, from whose blog I learned about this test. Not that I’m competitive or anything…

The scores go like this…

100 or less – You need to lighten up and live a little!
101 to 200 – You have an average sex life in need of kink.
201 to 300 – You have sweet hints of a kinky nature.
301 to 400 – You have kinky playful tendencies.
401 to 500 – You are definitely a kinky player.
501 to 600 – You are kinkier than most!
601 to 700 – You are a major league kinkster!
701 to 800 – You live and breath kinky!!
801 to 900 – Wow! You’re too kinky for most!!!
901 or more – SUPER FREAK ALERT! You da BOMB!

The questions range from simple vanilla stuff like “do you like oral sex?” to hardcore stuff about bestiality, and I wonder about the weightings given in each section. I have to say as well, there’s not much in there from a D/s perspective. There’s really only one question specifically regarding my type of kink, and nothing at all about chastity, CBs, domestic service, face-sitting or any other femdom norms. I probably lost points on questions like “have you ever been videotaped in a public dungeon?” and there were no basic femdom questions for me to pick up those points later in the game!!!

Not meaning to whinge like a little baby, but WAAAAAHHHH!!!!! RIGGED!!! UNFAIR !!! etc.

So, in the spirit of sub-equality, here’s some questions on which I would have scored very highly, had they been included in the test.

The scoring for each one is:

• Yes, all the time (3)
• Yes (2)
• No, but I like the sound of that (1)
• No (0)

And the questions are:

1. Does your partner constantly make you give him / her massages and then laugh when you ask for one?
2. Does your partner routinely deny you orgasm and then mock you when you get frustrated?
3. Have you ever used a queening / kinging chair?
4. Does your partner smack your face or bottom as a way of chastising you?
5. Do you fantasise about your partner chaining you up in the kitchen to do housework while s/he lounges around drinking champagne?
6. Do you basically think your partner’s body is the best thing in the entire world?
7. Has your partner ever pulled your hair so hard during oral sex that some of it came out?
8. Does your partner address you by demeaning terms?
9. Does your partner make you beg to make them come?
10. Do you make short or long-term verbal or written contracts with your partner concerning your service to him or her?

Anyway, head on over and do the real test yourself and see how you go – bearing in mind you have to join Hotlanta to do it. If this seems like the kind of thing I’d only do if I had too much time on my hands, well, I plead guilty to that. Michelle is away, she has been all week, and the only instructions she left me with were about things I was not allowed to do. So that hasn’t exactly taken up a whole lot of my spare time…

Steve.

Lena: Sticking to A Good Thing

‘I enjoyed last night,’ says Lena sleepily.

‘Oh, good. Me too. The guide book said it’s one of the best places in the area, so I figured it was worth the extra koruna, for sure.’

‘I don’t mean the restaurant,’ she says. ‘Although, it was nice. But I don’t need a guide book to tell me that. I used to live here, remember.’

‘Oh yeah. Sorry. So…anyway, I’m just glad you are having a good time being back home again. You want a coffee?’

You’re already up, showered, the coffee is on, and you want to get a move on so there’s not too much of a queue for the museum. But Lena has not moved from the bed. She’s still lying there in her night shirt, her evening make-up still close to perfect. She gives you a lazy half-smile and says:

‘No, I don’t want coffee now. I was talking about the sex, last night. I enjoy it. You make me feel pretty good.’

Pretty good? Talk about being damned by faint praise. But, you have already worked out that this girl always says what she means, and never says anything she doesn’t mean, so it doesn’t come as a big surprise. And you are going to be on holiday together for the next three weeks, so you might as well learn to take it on the chin.

‘Thanks,’ you say. ‘I aim to please.’

‘Good,’ she says. ‘It’s a good attitude. But there is one thing…’

‘What?’ you say, immediately and instinctively.

‘Well…’ She puts her arms up around her head (a position in which she spent much of the previous evening), and her shirt falls open. ‘How do you say in English…when I am on a good thing, I stick to it? And you are a pretty good thing, so…’

You feel a little downhearted, because that sounds like it might be a criticism, and you really thought she’d had a good time.

‘Sorry. I think I know what you mean. I thought you had…finished.’

‘Why?’ she asks.

‘Well, you…made noises like you were coming, so I thought, after that, it would be OK for me to go for it.’

‘Oh, I get it. You think I’m talking about the fucking.’ She gives you another sly smile.

Now you really are perplexed. You’d thought she meant that you’d come too soon during sex, even though you thought you hadn’t.

‘Yeah…that’s what I thought,’ you say. ‘I’m confused. I thought you’d come, so…’

‘The fucking was good,’ she says. ‘And yes, I did come, you are right. But, if you want to hold on for longer next time, that’s good, too. But actually, I was talking about what happened before that…’

What happened before that? After you’d kissed for about half an hour, you went down on her, for another half an hour, to make sure she was totally satisfied, to make sure her first night back in her home town was really something to remember. As far as you knew, she came at least once, maybe twice.

‘Oh, you mean the…cunnilingus? I…ah…what was the problem with that?’

‘Who said there was a problem? It was great. That’s why I don’t know why you stopped. And, I don’t like that word for it. Just call it eating me out.’

‘Alright, well, because I’d been…eating you out, for a while, and it seemed like you’d had enough, and I thought it would be OK for us to have sex.’

‘Hold on, you talk too fast,’ she says. ‘First thing, how long is “a while”? Second thing, why do you think that I have had enough?’

‘B…Because, you came! Didn’t you?’

‘But what is that got to do with it?’ she asks, her grammar slipping as she gets impatient with you.

‘Well, normally, when someone comes, they can’t…’

‘Normally, says who?’ she interrupts.

‘Well…alright, I suppose it’s just that when I was with my old girlfriend, if I made her come, that would be it for quite a while. Probably for the evening. So…’

‘Am I your old girlfriend?’ she says.

‘No, obviously not. Look, I think I’m missing the point here. I’m sorry that you didn’t get what you wanted. Next time you better just…ask me, I guess.’

‘I got a better idea,’ she says. ‘Next time, I say when I am finished. Like I said, when I am having a good time, I want to keep having a good time. That’s the point you are missing. OK?’

‘OK. So, next time I’ll just…keep going?’

‘Yes. Now, you have to make it up to me.’

‘Sure,’ you say, your eyes flicking over to the alarm clock, aware of the time rolling on. ‘What did you have in mind?’

She rolls her eyes, and then smiles at you. ‘I want what I missed last night, of course!’

She begins to slowly pull down the elastic on her panties. The lazy, teasing look in her eye has changed to something a little more demanding.

‘Oh…sure thing, but just for a bit, though. We don’t want to be late to the museum.’

She laughs. ‘Do I look like I want to spend the morning at the museum? I went there when I was a girl.’

‘Uh…I guess not, then. So, how long do you want me to, uh…?’ You falter, not sure how to finish the sentence.

‘Eat me out?’ she prompts.

‘Yeah. How long do you want to…’

She rolls her eyes again. ‘I don’t know how long I want it for. But I’ll let you know when I’ve had enough, you don’t worry about looking at the clock. You just keep going til I stay stop.’

She has now totally removed her pants. Your scheduled morning’s touring vanishes as her pussy comes into view. You feel lightheaded just remembering the scent of it from last night.

‘Right,’ you say. ‘Just one thing…if this was what you wanted, why didn’t you just ask me?’

She laughs again, and says:

‘And miss making you all confused? Why would I want to do that?’

THE END.

NOTE: Lena is a 20-year old Czech girl who has modeled for the London Studio Group on three occasions, all in Prague. By all accounts she is actually very shy, but she doesn’t look it here. Or maybe that’s just my imagination…

SM.

Happily (re)married

I found my wedding ring today. It had been lost for some time, or at least, I didn’t know where it was. She did, but I didn’t know that.

Anyway, when I put it on, we took the opportunity to renew vows. It wasn’t very serious, but it was fun, and in a way I enjoyed it a lot more than the stress and pressure of our real wedding day.

I’ll be making a longer post about D/s wedding vows in due course but just wanted to write something to mark the ocassion of the day itself, October 18.

Here is what was said (unscripted):

Me: “Michelle, will you put this on my finger?”

Michelle: “Yes.” (She does.) “You are now mine, to have and to hold from this day forward, as my cute little sub.”

Me: “OK.”

Michelle: “And you don’t have me to hold as anything. Suck on it.”

Me: “Right. Well, I promise to love, honour, serve and obey you from now until…you get sick of it, which may be never.”

Michelle: “Deal.” (She jumps on me, pushes me flat on the mattress and sticks my head in her armpit). “Now, I want you to know that me, my breasts, my armpits and my cunt are all very happy with you lately. It’s unanimous. The whole committee support you and want you to continue. You serve us very well. Now, go and make us cheese toast with tomato and basil.”

Me: “OK.”

Then she surfs on the net while I make her lunch. The ring is where it should be, now.

Incidentally, I’ve been waiting to have coital sex with her for ages. Tonight she wants me “up to my balls” in her, for ages and ages, while she just lies there. Her words.

I’m really happy with the way this is working out.